Nick Quote #641
Nick: Reason 13: I like my stuff and I hate her stuff. Reason number 14: How am I ever gonna change my clothes?
Schmidt: You don't change in front of your girlfriend? You get naked in front of her.
Nick: Yes, but those are different things. When you're naked, you're powerful and it's glorious. When you're changing, you're hunched over and cowering, like an animal.
Schmidt: Animals don't wear clothes, Nick.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Is that why you guys are sorting through my garbage? I appreciate the concern, you guys, but Abby has changed.
Coach: Then how do you explain this?
Schmidt: I put my coffee grounds in a plastic bag so it doesn't get the rest of my trash dirty.
Cece: Yeah, he does that.
Coach: You got clean-ass trash, man. I don't even need gloves for this.
Schmidt: Quit sorting through my trash, Coach. You're messing it all up.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Hey. I'm sorry that this didn't work out. I'm sorry that we sucked.
Jess: Look, we don't suck. I'm crazy about you, but I don't have to spend every second with you in what amounts to a one-room log cabin.
Nick: Cabins are what drove the Pilgrims crazy. That's why they killed each other at the Plymouth Rock Massacre.
Jess: That's not a real thing.
Nick: So how did the millions of Pilgrims die?
Jess: There definitely weren't millions of Pilgrims.
Nick: Then how do you explain my 37-page essay about it?
Jess: I think you made it up in your head.
Nick: This seems like one of those "agree to disagree" moments...
Jess: No. It's not.
Nick: I'm also older than you.
Quote from Coach
Coach: Cece, darling.
Cece: Hmm? What?
Coach: How long have we been friends?
Cece: A week or so?
Coach: And have I ever steered you wrong?
Cece: Well, no.
Coach: Exactly. Because I know you better than anyone, girl. And you're acting like a lunatic. I mean, the kind of lunatic other lunatics look at and go, "Oh, my God, that bitch a lunatic." So I'm gonna need you to figure out why you're really doing all this for Schmidt and then sort it out.
Cece: You did not just say that to me. [snaps fingers]
Coach: Think about it, girl. Shoot.
Cece: Just to be clear, I did not ask you to act like this, okay?
Coach: It's just kind of fun to do.
Cece: Slow down, girl.
Coach: You gonna eat that scone? Damn it.
Cece: Slow down.
Coach: [manly] Are you- Are you gonna have this scone?