Rhonda: But you can't do it without... these. They 'bout to be "soined"! [sighs] The end to one of my best pranks.
Winston: Oh, this feels good.
Rhonda: Yeah. [Winston laughs] That's it.
Winston: That's it.
Rhonda: All right. Well, I better go. I really hope you two are happy. No prank. So until we cross paths again...
[sings] A-ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba. Rhonda!
Winston: [nervous laugh] Rhonda.
Aly: She's a lot.
Cece: Understatement of the year.
Winston: She is, but, you know, the good news is, is we never, ever have to see her again. Son of a bi... She used disappearing ink.
Cece: What?
Winston: Girl pranked us.

Jess: I have to go home and work on my blazer. So I found a bus ticket back...
Nick: Well, hold on. I think there's somebody that you would like to meet, Jess.
Man: Greetings, yon settlers three!
Jess: Are there folksy, old-timey reenactors here? 'Cause that would be, like, a total freaking game changer.
Man: I am one of the founders of this town of Solvang, Professor P.P. Hornsyld.
Schmidt: Is this really what you're into?
Nick: And so begins phase two, enjoyment.
Man: At your service.
Jess: I have 87 questions for you. When were you born? When did you die? Where were you born? Where did you die? Are you a spirit? What do you think of the modern era? What do you think of technology?
Man: Perhaps you'd like to try some aquavit, a traditional drink from the motherland. Perhaps you will enjoy its humors more than you enjoy peppering me with this endless barrage of questions.

Rhonda: Hey, you're small.
Aly: What?
Rhonda: I'm looking for somebody small for a prank I'm cooking up. [Winston exhales] Actually, I could use all of you.
Winston: Okay, look. Rhonda, yeah. This won't work. Aly, you don't have to do this.
Rhonda: If you do this for me, I'll give you your divorce.
Aly: If this is what I have to do to marry you, then... Rhonda, the three of us will do your prank.
Cece: Wait, what? I have in no way consented to this.
Rhonda: Gonna do a group Rhonda! That's awesome. Uh, how do you feel about having a bunch of jelly on your head?
Aly: Not good, Rhonda.

Nick: Welcome to the distillery. [door closes loudly]
Schmidt: I'm gonna, uh, make sure that, that's okay.
Jess: Oh, you know what? It's, um, it's probably just an old-timey Danish door. You just need to jiggle the, um, the dorhandtag.
Schmidt: Yeah. I'm doing that.

Nick: They have Wi-Fi. [Jess and Schmidt yelling] But I don't know the password! I'm on a real roller coaster of emotions right now. Just slamming up and crashing down!

Winston: Aah. Aah, okay.
Cece: She's gonna pop!
Dave: How far apart are the contractions?
Winston: Who's asking?
Cece: I don't know.
Dave: Let's take a look. [screams]
Aly: Wah. I'm a baby.
Dave: Oh!
Aly: I'm, I'm... coming out.
Dave: Uh-uh.
Aly: I, I know. I'm rattled, too.
Rhonda: You just got Rhonda'd! That's for not coming to the family reunion.
Aly: I'm so sorry. We got Rhonda'd.

Winston: The divorce papers are finalized. Good news.
Cece: There's no way this could be disappearing ink, right?
Winston: Well, I mean, the longest disappearing ink on record is only 42 minutes, so, no, we're good.
Cece: Great.
Aly: I actually had a good time pranking Rhonda.
Cece: No, not you, too. Please.
Aly: I mean it. I think we can kind of get into this as a couple. We'll prank, have some sex...
Winston: Mm.
Aly: ...prank people, have some more sex, pet the cat. I'm okay with that life.

Cece: There are adoption papers in here.
Winston: What? Let me see this. Oh, holy hell, Rhonda adopted Aly...
Aly: What?
Winston: ...in Liberia.
Cece: In Liberia?
Winston: No, no, this doesn't make any sense. "Dear Aly, please accept these divorce papers as an engagement gift from Mom."
Aly: Ew. She said "Mom"?
Cece: I mean, I guess that's a good prank.
Aly: You're my stepdad?
Cece: I'm so confused by what qualifies, I honestly can't weigh in.
Aly: I hate my Liberian mom.

Nick: Schmidt, can I get a... a minute alone with Jess? Would you please take the pee bottles with you?
Schmidt: Sure. A grown man standing around a bunch of ten-year-olds, holding bottles of his own urine. What could go wrong?

Rhonda: You wanted to sign the divorce papers, and-and I thought this was... this was a good a time as any. But I know it's a shock, but... meet your son.
Cece: Oh, my God.
Winston: Um... [chuckles] Now, you listen to me, baby. [chuckles] My father walked out on me, and I swear
I will never do that to you.
Rhonda: That's so sweet. [whispering] You just got Rhonda'd. Rhonda'd. [chuckles]
Cece: No...
Winston: Oh, my God! Did you just prank me with a baby?
Rhonda: [laughing] A human baby.
Aly: What the hell?
Winston: That is amazing! Oh, my God. Oh, I can feel my heartbeat through the back of my head! You just took years off my life! You are the master!