Nick: I'm not fine. I can't do this anymore. It's not all smiles and sunshine. It's not! Look, Ryan bailed and that's a dick move. And that's the truth.
Jess: [crying] I'm fine, I'm just gonna go to my room. [exits]
Joan Day: [crying] I made scones.
Cece: Was that sunshine or smiles? Hmm?

Cece: So, Joan, how do you, uh, feel about Bob getting remarried?
Joan Day: Mm! Oh, I'm fine. I just feel bad for Ashley. I mean, let's just say he's a man with a healthy appetite, except one thing.
Winston: [coughing]
Cece: Well, that's a visual.
Joan Day: I don't really have a burning desire to stick around for the wedding, so I'm going on a trip with some friends. A trip I've never taken before.

Jess: I'm a hopeless romantic, and I always have been. Which is why...
Nick: I mean, it's a nice notion, it's just...
Jess: from 1994 to 2001, I believed that Jordan Catalano was gonna show up in my driveway after a dirt bike accident, all scruffy and... beautiful... and he would need a bath and some... medical attention.
Nick: You think that little boy is driving a dirt bike? He looks a lot like you.
Jess: That's me, that's Jordan Catalano.
Nick: I honestly couldn't tell the difference. I swear to God. I'm not trying to be mean. You know what the problem with Jordan Catalano is?
Jess: Yeah... an undiagnosed learning disability.
Nick: Oh, I didn't know the boy had mental problems... I wouldn't be teasing him, but... No, it's that he's fake. The only thing that matters is if the guy is there for you when you need him. Otherwise, you're dating a wall.

Cece: Well, the dream's dead. Apparently, Jake Apex has to work, so he's not gonna come to the wedding. I'm wearing the craziest underwear for nothing.
Schmidt: Okay, look, Cece, you know what we do? We regroup.
Cece: No, it's fine, Schmidt. I'm over it.
Schmidt: It is not fine. Look, Cece, you're the most amazing woman I ever met. If you want Jake Apex, I'm gonna help you get Jake Apex. I'm never gonna stop trying to make you happy, Cece. I promise you, for the rest of my... [phone ringing] Oh, look at that, it's Fawn. [answers phone] Hello, Councilwoman Moscato. Hello, Councilwoman Moscato.
Cece: [quietly] Oh, yeah.

Bob Day: You don't have the rings?!
Jess: Well, Dad, hold on...
Ashley: [enters] You don't have the rings?!
Bob Day: Oh! Damn it, no! That's... No, this is bad. We're doomed! You look beautiful, but we are doomed.

Nick: [on the phone] I found the purse, but your mom has the rings.
Jess: What? [chuckles] Can you ask her for them?
Nick: Yeah, it's a little hard right now. Remember she said she was going on a trip? [women laughing, howling]
Jess: [to Bob] It's gonna be a hair longer.
Bob Day: It's acid, isn't it?

Jess: [laughs] Hi! Um... so the wedding will begin shortly. [crowd sighs] But first, I'm gonna start you off with a crowd-pleasing, nondenominational... Something in it for everyone... [chuckles] "Ave Maria." [sings] Ah... [continues holding note] Ve... [continues holding note]

Nick: Joan, I need you to focus. I need you to help me find those rings.
Joan Day: [grunts] We have the rings.
Nick: They all... all of you...
Joan Day: We all have the rings. Everyone's got the ring. Come into the womb. Come into the womb.
Nick: I don't want to come in the womb.
Joan Day: Come into the womb.
Nick: I'm not a womb guy! I'm not a womb guy!

Jess: [squeaking chatter] And with that message from Beaker, all of the Muppets have wished Bob and Ashley a very happy wedding. [growling voice:] Except for me. [normal voice:] Cookie Monster, is that you? Now, I understand, Cookie Monster, you've got a very special song to sing for us. [growling voice:] Yes, I do! [sings] Ah...Ve... Mari...

Jake Apex: Hey, killer. Hey, so, uh... I'd love to see you again before you leave. To be honest with you, Cece, I've always had a crush on you.
Cece: Oh, God. Okay, so I've never said this out loud before, but... I'm... in love with someone else. It's kind of complicated because he has a girlfriend, so I can't tell anybody. I mean, Winston knows, but you, you don't know Winston.
Jake Apex: I got to get back to the truck soon. Power steering's out again. I'm the only one strong enough to drive it.
Cece: Of course.
Jake Apex: But, uh, I guess I'll see you around.
Cece: Yeah, I guess.