Jess: I'm a hopeless romantic, and I always have been. Which is why...
Nick: I mean, it's a nice notion, it's just...
Jess: from 1994 to 2001, I believed that Jordan Catalano was gonna show up in my driveway after a dirt bike accident, all scruffy and... beautiful... and he would need a bath and some... medical attention.
Nick: You think that little boy is driving a dirt bike? He looks a lot like you.
Jess: That's me, that's Jordan Catalano.
Nick: I honestly couldn't tell the difference. I swear to God. I'm not trying to be mean. You know what the problem with Jordan Catalano is?
Jess: Yeah... an undiagnosed learning disability.
Nick: Oh, I didn't know the boy had mental problems... I wouldn't be teasing him, but... No, it's that he's fake. The only thing that matters is if the guy is there for you when you need him. Otherwise, you're dating a wall.