Dr. Kroger: You, you said that, um, you've been, what, losing things, right?
Sharona: Besides my sanity? Look, I thought I handed in a paper at school, and it turned out I didn't.
Dr. Kroger: That happens.
Sharona: Okay, well, last week I found a remote control in the freezer. Four days ago, my car keys are in the basement, and I haven't been down there in months.

Dr. Kroger: Adrian! Harold! When you're in your own homes, you can arrange everything just the way you'd like. This happens to be my office. If things are a little messy, I like it that way. I hope you'll both respect that. Harold, would you like to step in? I'll be with you in a minute.
Adrian Monk: Yes, why don't you go in the office now?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I'll take care of it from here. Thank you. Harold, go in the office. I'll be there in a second. Thank you, Harold.
Adrian Monk: I'll see you in hell, Harold.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian.

Adrian Monk: What is all this paper?
Sharona: It's scrap paper. I use it for packing.
Adrian Monk: Well, it's all crumpled now.
Varla Davis: It's supposed to be crumpled. He's not on meds? Honey, he was made for meds.

Adrian Monk: I went back to the garage. I found a boot tip.
Varla Davis: Kojak and I were very excited about that boot tip.
Adrian Monk: There is a shoe repair shop on Lark Avenue that replaced a tip on a cowboy boot last Monday. The customer's name was Denny Graf. Does it mean anything to you?
Sharona: No.
Adrian Monk: Well, he's a security guard at the community college.
Sharona: My college?
Adrian Monk: That mystery story that you wrote, "The Fatal Recipe", what was the plot?
Sharona: Well, it's about a woman who kills her husband and makes it look like a heart attack.
Varla Davis: Mrs. Preminger canceled her class last night...
Adrian Monk: ...because her husband Max died of a heart attack.
Varla Davis: Right after he ate some tomato soup.
Sharona: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's my story. It, it's based on a real case when I was an intern. The teckolic acid in the tomato soup activates the poison. It's virtually untraceable. They stole my story! That's plagiarism!
Adrian Monk: Yeah, well, actually, it's murder.

Lieutenant Disher: What's going on? Are you okay?
Sharona: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: This is Varla Davis. She's my new... something.
Varla Davis: How y'all doing? Are y'all pretend police officers, too?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, ma'am. We are real policemen.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What's so important?
Sharona: I'm not crazy.
Adrian Monk: It's true.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh.
Adrian Monk: A woman named Meredith Preminger lives right there.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh.
Adrian Monk: She's Sharona and Varla's creative writing teacher, and last night she killed her husband.
Varla Davis: Uh-huh. And it was Sharona's idea.
Sharona: No, it wasn't. Well, in a way, I...

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. A month ago, Sharona wrote a murder mystery about a woman who kills her husband using a virtually untraceable poison. The story was a blueprint for a perfect murder, exactly what Meredith and her lover were looking for. But they had a problem. If they stole her idea, after he died, Sharona might become suspicious. Somehow they had to discredit her in advance before the murder.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So nobody would believe her.
Adrian Monk: Exactly. So Sharona started seeing things.
Lieutenant Disher: Like dead people.
Adrian Monk: And losing things.
Sharona: Yeah, they must have stolen the keys from my purse and made copies of them, and that's how they got into my house and moved everything around.

Varla Davis: Look, at 5:30, I am off the clock. I don't care if y'all are still looking for Waldo. I'm outta here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So that's the new nurse.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How's that going?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I love her. Couldn't be better. Help me.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me, I'm sorry. I know this is a bad time. I'm Captain Stottlemeyer. This is Adrian monk, lieutenant Disher, and I believe you know Varla Davis and Sharona Fleming.
Meredith Preminger: What's going on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, ma'am, there have been some questions raised about the death of your husband.
Meredith Preminger: By her? Captain, she's delusional. You can ask anyone.
Denny Graf: Meredith, is there a problem?
Sharona: God, that's, that's him.
Meredith Preminger: They want to talk to me about Max's death.
Denny Graf: It's not a good time. Maybe after the services on Saturday.
Adrian Monk: You mean after the body's been cremated?
Sharona: You poisoned him, and you got the idea from that story I wrote.
Meredith Preminger: Did I?
Sharona: Yes.
Meredith Preminger: Can you prove it?
Sharona: Yes, I can. It's right here. This is my second draft.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The Fatal Recipe.
Adrian Monk: That's a good title.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Help me, help me, somebody help me. Help me, please. Help me now."
Varla Davis: Shoot. You know this is going to affect our grade.
Meredith Preminger: Is there anything else? I didn't think so.

Varla Davis: Oh, I know where there's a copy. A copy of your story in your own handwriting.
Sharona: That's impossible.
Varla Davis: Oh, it's possible, and I'll show it to you on three conditions. Number one, I'm not waiting two weeks. You taking him back today. Right now. The party is over.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are the other two conditions?
Varla Davis: Forget the other conditions. I want you to stay with her, because y'all are a perfect team. Sharona, Monk, and not me.
Lieutenant Disher: Deal. Where's the story?
Varla Davis: Mrs. Preminger always told us to write our first draft by hand, something about feeling the words.
Sharona: Right, but I threw it out. She told us to throw away our first drafts.
Varla Davis: Yeah, but you didn't. You used it as scrap paper and packing material.
Adrian Monk: "Kenny smiled icily. Don't worry about the police, he said. The teckolic acid in the soup is 100 % untraceable."
Varla Davis: Just call me Mrs. Kojak.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, where were you?
Adrian Monk: I... She makes me very nervous.