Lieutenant Gitomer: Anything else?
Adrian Monk: Yes, he's tall. He's 6'3", maybe 6'4". What about the pilot light? Because, you know, sometimes it goes out.
Sharona: The pilot light is fine.
Adrian Monk: Do you remember the last time it almost went out?
Sharona: Do you want me to drive back to the city and check the stove?
Adrian Monk: No.
Sharona: Is that what you're telling me to do?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. Would you? Could you? That would be great.

Lieutenant Gitomer: Excuse me, sir, I'm sure that you're right, but how do you know all of that? I mean, about the computer...
Adrian Monk: It's patently obvious, isn't it? There are no prints on the keyboard, not even hers. Why? He used it. He wiped them clean.
Lieutenant Gitomer: Right. And you said that he was tall.
Adrian Monk: The victim's short, maybe 5'4". Look at the chair. It's lowered almost all the way.
Lieutenant Gitomer: Wow. We've been here all morning, and nobody even noticed that. Sir, if you can stick around for a bit, the coroner's on his way.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I'm pretty sure I smell gas.

Adrian Monk: [to himself] Doc, I'm feeling great. Dr. Kroger. I'm doing great, Dr. Kroger. You can't- You can't sweat the small stuff. Just keep going with the flow. It's a new me. It's a whole new me. And thanks to you I owe it all to you. I feel like I'm back in the saddle. I owe it all to you, Doc. Took your advice, Doc. I'm going with the flow.

Dr. Kroger: You keep looking at that pillow. If you want to fix the pillow, it's okay.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, I was just thinking about... No, I'm I'm fine.
Dr. Kroger: How are you sleeping? Are you still having those dreams?
Adrian Monk: Well, Trudy and I were married for seven years. It would be weird if l if I never dreamt about her, right? You're testing me, aren't you? You... You left it like that on purpose.
Dr. Kroger: Did I?
Adrian Monk: [laughs] Okay. Okay. Yeah, so, anyway, um, I've I've been feeling... Excuse me. [rearranges the pillow] Hold it. That. That one's just. There. Then, uh... Okay. No big deal. Where were we?

Adrian Monk: Bus! Bus! Bus!
Sharona: I still can't believe this. The mayor asked for you personally.
Adrian Monk: There's a bus on the right.
Sharona: Oh, this is great. This is gonna get you back on the force. I'm telling you.
Adrian Monk: I already have a job, remember? The girl in Santa Clara? Merging! Merging! Everybody's mer-
Sharona: You want to drive?
Adrian Monk: What lane are you in?
Sharona: You want to drive? I'll sit there and yell and point and drive you nuts, 'cause you're driving me nuts, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Alright. Sorry. It's red! It's red! Come on, it's red!

Lieutenant Disher: Look who's here. The defective detective.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Excellent. The candidate is waiting for us upstairs. I wanted to make this crystal clear. You're here because the mayor thinks you can walk on water, but you're a civilian now, Monk. You have observer status only, okay? When I'm in there, I talk. You say nothing, understand? Look, Monk, when I took your badge three years ago, I told you nothing would give me more pleasure than to see you reinstated, and I meant that. But you're obviously not ready.
Adrian Monk: Is that you talking or the uniform?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I am the uniform, Monk. You didn't understand that back when I was your watch commander.

Gavin Lloyd: Oh, my God. Excuse me! That's color coded by voting precinct. It took me three weeks to set this up.
Adrian Monk: Sorry.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk!
Miranda St. Claire: What department are you with?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Ma'am, this is Adrian Monk. He's no longer with our department. He's here as a private consultant.
Adrian Monk: I'll put them all back the way they were.
Gavin Lloyd: No, no, stop. You can't possibly remember how everything was. So just leave it-
Sharona: Yes, he can. Yes, he can.
Adrian Monk: Really, it won't take too long.
Gavin Lloyd: No.
Adrian Monk: It'd take one second. I can do it.
Sharona: Adrian, let go of the board!
[As Adrian lets go of the board, it bolts upright and flings the drawing pins off onto the table]

Sharona: It's a temporary suspension. He's up for a review next week.
Miranda St. Claire: Is this a joke? Someone tries to kill my husband, and you send in Rain Man?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mrs. St. Claire, I can assure you, Mr. Monk's involvement is an indication of just how seriously we are taking this case.
Gavin Lloyd: Is he, uh... [makes "insane" gesture]
Sharona: No, no. Um, it's a form of anxiety disorder. A severe case like this is usually triggered by a single traumatic incident.
Miranda St. Claire: Someone hit him with a shovel?
Sharona: His wife was murdered four years ago a car bomb.

Adrian Monk: Captain, do you know the percentage of men over 6'3"?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Do you?
Adrian Monk: Maybe 0.5. The odds of two men in this city in that category, committing premeditated murder within two days of each other are astronomical.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All because of a twisted Venetian blind cord. Monk, that's a stretch, even for you.
Adrian Monk: That and he wore slippers. And he smokes Newports.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] This isn't police work. This... This is vaudeville.
Adrian Monk: He's already killed two... [shudders as he looks out the window] Two.
Sharona: Oh, it's nothing. He just has a little problem with heights.