Woman: [o.s. to Monk] You should be ashamed of yourself!
Miranda St. Claire: Do you lie awake at night thinking of ways to disrupt my husband's campaign?
Warren St. Claire: Now, Miranda...
Adrian Monk: No, ma'am, I lie awake at night and try not to think at all.

Adrian Monk: Are you registered to vote?
Sharona: I never vote. It only encourages them.

Captain Stottlemeyer: The cases don't overlap, Monk. She worked for the DMV. He was a candidate for mayor. She was behind on her rent, he has houses all over the world. She was stabbed. He was shot. Let it go. [walks off]
Sharona: Are we gonna let it go?
Adrian Monk: Hell, no.
Sharona: What are we gonna do now?
Adrian Monk: We're gonna follow the money. [grunts] I've always wanted to say that.

Adrian Monk: Are you, uh, are you going to be seeing Mr. Goodman later?
Miranda St. Claire: Jesse?
Adrian Monk: Jesse.
Miranda St. Claire: Why do you ask?
Adrian Monk: Well, if you see him, you know, uh, just would you tell him to call me? Because I just I'd love to talk to him. And, you know, if you see him.
Miranda St. Claire: Are you accusing me of something, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Are you guilty of something?
Miranda St. Claire: Oh, Mr. Monk. You seem like an intelligent person. On occasion. Warren is the first man in my life that never gave up on me. Last week, if I could have, I would have taken that bullet myself. You have to believe me.
Adrian Monk: Mrs. St. Claire, I have to listen to you. I don't have to believe you.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing? Come on down. The accident scene's down here.
[Adrian whispers to Sharona]
Sharona: [shouts] He's not wearing the right shoes today.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not wearing the right shoes today.

Adrian Monk: No, no. No, this was no accident. There's no skid marks on the road.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's wet! You're not the only detective here, Monk. I checked for skid marks. It happens all the time on this hill. You hit this curve at 85, 90 miles an hour. Ftt! Boom!
Adrian Monk: No. No, this was staged. He was killed somewhere else.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, maybe you could tell me where this murder took place. That would be very helpful.
Adrian Monk: Cole Avenue and 17th Street.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How could you possibly know that?
Adrian Monk: We were meeting at my house. He probably took Cole. I'm thinking he was killed at that stop sign on 17th Street.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why 17th?
Adrian Monk: There's a homeless shelter there. They wash windshields for spare change. I'm thinking somebody approached the car, started washing the window and then attacked him. You can see the windshield even better from here. The driver's side's clean. The passenger side's filthy.

Sharona: Adrian, this officer is gonna drive you home, okay? Thank you. Behave yourself! He's armed.
Adrian Monk: Why? Where you going?
Sharona: I have a date. I told you about it.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I thought you were joking.
Sharona: You thought I was joking? Why? You don't think I could possibly have a date?
Adrian Monk: No, I didn't mean that.
Sharona: What is so funny about me dating, Adrian?
Adrian Monk: Nothing. Sorry. It's just... It's Tuesday. It's chicken potpie night.
Sharona: Don't be such a baby. My 11 year-old kid can bake a chicken potpie. I'll see you later, okay?

Sharona: Benjy, who are you on the phone with?
Benjy: No one.
Sharona: Give me the phone. Monk, is that you? Okay, I'm hanging up now. And don't call back. Benjy's got homework. Lots of it.
Adrian Monk: Don't hang up. No! Benjy, call me back!

Adrian Monk: Hey.
Sharona: Monk, what are you doing here?
Adrian Monk: I was watching the news. There was a videotape of the St. Claire thing. Something about it just does not add up.
Carl: Mr. Monk, I presume?
Adrian Monk: You must be Carl from the health club.
Carl: Well, uh, why don't you join us?
Sharona: No, he shouldn't. You know, two's company, three's a crowd, and Monk hates crowds, don't you?
Adrian Monk: I feel okay when you're around.

Sharona: Um, Carl said that, uh, he was talking about living in England. He was a Rhodes Scholar.
Adrian Monk: No kidding!
Sharona: Yeah. He graduated magna cum laude.
Adrian Monk: Cum laud.
Sharona: Right. I know. And now he has a private practice. He's an entertainment lawyer. Guess who he represents. Can I tell him?
Carl: Yeah, sure.
Sharona: Francis Ford Coppola.
Carl: Yeah, but it's no big deal. A tabloid wrote something about him that, you know, he was drunk at the Oscars, so now we're suing them for slander.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] I don't know what to do here. I'm no good at this. Okay. This man is lying to you. He's not a lawyer.
Carl: What?
Adrian Monk: Oxford doesn't have a magna cum laud, and you sue a newspaper for libel, not slander. I'll just shut up. Forget I said anything. It's no big deal, Carl. Well, that looks... What the hell is that?