[aside to camera:]
Claire: When Alex was a baby, I used to throw her in a jogging stroller, and she was my running buddy. This week, when she found out I was doing a 10K, she insisted on coming.
[separately to camera:]
Alex: Snore. I'm using my mom as a subject for my stupid psych paper because I started too late to sign out a monkey. It's about positive versus negative reinforcement. First half of the race "You can do it, Mom!" Second half "It's not your day, lady!" Thankfully, after it's done, I'll still be able to give out the banana I bought.

Luke: [answering phone] What's up?
Manny: Dude, I was just about to leave, and I saw your new pic popped up on Inseam.
Luke: You're on Inseam?
Manny: Yes, I've been on it for a week. Okay, look at your picture. Joe is in a tree behind you.

Luke: [answering phone] Hello?
Gloria: What's going on with Joe?
Luke: You're on Inseam?
Gloria: Of course I'm on Inseam. Is my son hanging from a tree?
Luke: Oh, that's great! You fell for it. I'm, uh... I'm getting pretty good at Photoshop.
Gloria: That's a fake picture?
Luke: Yeah, I got a bunch of Joe doing dangerous stuff.
Gloria: You're gonna have to show me this later, okay?
Luke: Will do.

Cameron: [aside to camera] My vice principal walkie-talkie accidentally picked up that Upper Valley coach calling her dumb lady play. Now, was I gonna change my defense? Only some spineless win-at-all-costs glory hound would choose winning over showing some moral fiber.
[flashback:]
Announcer: Dolphins win! Dolphins win!

Cameron: Mitchell! I'm a fraud.
Mitchell: Well, then stop telling that barista that you understudied Javert on Broadway. He knows your name. He can look it up.

Luke: Oh, those pictures. [cellphone buzzes] Here we are.
Gloria: Joe poking a bees' nest. Oh, and Joe killing Lee Harvey Oswald. So cute. Jay, Luke is a genius.

Luke: Thanks, buddy. You can go do your fancy shopping now.
Manny: Awesome. To make up for the time I lost, I'm gonna baby oil my heels so I can try on shoes faster.

Haley: And action.
Phil: Hello, and congratulations on your purchase of the Normandy Phone Booth. The following will demonstrate just how much fun you've dialed up. [breathes deeply] Here we are on D-Day. Where's the damned air support? Oh, good. A p- phone booth. I hear the Nazis have booby-trapped these, but I will I definitely will take the risk of calling Allied Command. Hello, General. Yes, the enemy is all around us. Blast! [breathing rapidaly] This is [gasping]] one of the phone booths that's booby-trapped.
Haley: Oh, no!
Phil: [whimpers] Yes, General, the enemy is closing in! There's no esca- Haley! Get me out of here!
Haley: Who's Haley? I'm Nurse Rutherford.
Phil: [screams]

Claire: [aside to camera] From that point on, I was no longer on the actual race course. I guess I hit a point where I funneled back onto the course. I did notice that I seemed to have more energy than the few people in front of me, but I didn't I didn't think much of it.
[flashback:]
Claire: I did it! I won! I won! Did you see that, honey? I won!
Alex: Uh, no, you didn't. I was standing at the 5K mark and never saw you.
Claire: What?

Alex: There's not gonna be any footage of you running past Pritchett's Closets because you cut two miles out of a six-mile race. Better tell Grandpa you didn't win.
Claire: Oh, you are my moral compass. Which is why I don't want to talk to you for the rest of the day. Luke! I need a favor, no questions asked. Luke! I need a favor, no questions asked.
Luke: What do you need? Phone cards?
Claire: No. I need you to Photoshop a picture of me from today running in front of Pritchett's Closets.
Luke: No problem.