Ted: I know, you don't have to say it. You don't decant white wine.
[Lily picks up a candlestick to threaten Ted]
Lily: Miss Lily, in the living room, with the candlestick.
Jefferson Van Smoot: [o.s.] Oh, my heavens, no! That was Edgar Allan Poe's!
Lily: Sorry.

Barney: I hope Ted is miserable right now.
[cut to the Van Smoot party at The Alberta:]
All: [singing] Constance Fry Constance Fry Anytime you call Constance will fulfill your needs Winter, spring or fall
Will Shortz: Ted, your lyric baritone is outstanding.
Ted: Thank you, Will Shortz.

Marshall: Baby, are you really starting to think about this?
Lily: I don't know. Well, maybe a little.
Marshall: Okay. Well, for whatever it's worth, I think that we're ready. You know, look, we love each other, we're financially stable and honestly, I don't think it would change our lifestyle all that much.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Aunt Lily still likes to remind Uncle Marshall he once said this.

Lily: Marshall, if we were at home with a baby tonight, we never would've seen Ted's doppelganger. Imagine missing that. How would that feel?
Marshall: I would blame that child for the rest of his life.
Lily: Exactly. For the rest of her life.
Marshall: Okay, you're right. There's no hurry.
Lily: Okay, how about this? We agree there's no sense in having a baby until we've seen all five doppelgangers, right?
Marshall: Of course. Stands to reason.
Lily: Okay, so, when we finally see Barney's doppelganger, that's the universe telling us it's go time, and that's when we'll start trying. Deal?
Marshall: Deal.

Barney: Guess what I've got behind my back.
Lily: Oh, wait, wait, wait. I got this one, left.
Barney: Wrong game. But correct. Five front row tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Marshall: Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Ted: That is awesome!
Barney: You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Marshall: Never!
Ted: But we assume it's some sort of sporting event that pits robots against wrestlers.
Barney: That's exactly what it is, according to the web site!

Lily: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who's the fifth ticket for?
Barney: Uh, Robin. I know, she moved in with her boyfriend, and said she doesn't wanna hang out with us anymore. But this is Robots vs. Wrestlers. Robots vs. Wrestlers!
Marshall: Barney is right. It's impossible to say no to that.
[cut to Robin on the phone with Lily:]
Robin: No to that. I wish I could, but I have plans with Don on Saturday. He's making me Chinese.
Lily: I'll assume you're talking about food. Otherwise, I have some follow-up questions.
Robin: I'm sorry, Lily, but I gotta give this thing with Don a chance. And I can't do that if I'm out drinking with you guys every single night, especially when "you guys" includes two of my ex-boyfriends.
Lily: I understand. You're right. It's just we all really miss you.
Robin: Oh, I miss you, too. Listen, I gotta go. Talk soon. Okay. Bye. [hangs up] Sorry, New York. I had to take that.
Now, where were we? Yeah, yes, bus crash.

Lily: Oh, Barney, you don't have to worry about Marshall and me having kids. That's a long way down the road.
Marshall: Exactly. It's down the road, a medium way.
Lily: A medium long way.
Marshall: I mean, you can see it ahead.
Lily: In the vast, vast distance.
Marshall: But you're already seeing exit signs for it.
Lily: Really? I didn't see any.
Marshall: You might wanna get in the right lane.

Ted: I understand how you feel, Barney. Friendships are important. In fact, Emerson wrote a great poem entitled "Friendship". You guys are gonna love this. "A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs"
[as Barney makes fart noises, Lily and Marshall laugh]
Future Ted: [v.o.] That's how it had always been for me with the gang. Any time I tried to get a little high-minded...
[flashback to Ted with the gang in the apartment:]
Ted: You guys, you gotta try this Syrah. Hints of creme de cassis, red berries, toasty oak...
[As Robin makes fart noises, everybody else laughs]
[flashback to Ted in the kitchen with Marshall and Lily:]
Ted: Hmm. Five letters, blank baritone. Of course. "Lyric" baritone, which is actually higher than a dramatic baritone. You know, there's a telling moment in the second act of La Boheme...
[As Lily makes a fart noise, Marshall laughs]

Ted: Guys, come on. I'm just trying to add a little class to these proceedings. It's like that line from Dante's Inferno.
[As Marshall makes a fart noise, Lily and Barney laugh]
Ted: "Consider your origins. You were not born to live like brutes."
[As Lily makes a fart noise, Marshall and Barney laugh]
Ted: "But to follow virtue and knowledge."
[As Barney makes a fart noise, Marshall and Lily laugh]
Ted: Or, in the original Italian...
[All groan]
Ted: [speaks Italian]
[As Marshall, Lily and Barney make fart noises, Ted gives up.]

Barney: You guys are right. I'm totally overreacting to this whole Robin thing. What's this envelope? Is this a wedding invitation? Robin's marrying Don! I'm gonna die alone! Ted's gonna get eaten by cats!