Ted: It's an invitation to Jefferson Van Smoot's Annual Spring Social this Saturday night, in the penthouse apartment of The Alberta! You guys, that's the most beautiful building in Manhattan. We gotta go to this party.
Marshall: That depends. Does it say anything on that invitation about robots battling wrestlers for intergalactic supremacy?
Ted: No. But it says open bar.
Barney: Revised agenda for Saturday night. Free booze at Marissa Heller's party, then Robots vs. Wrestlers. One of us just needs to pretend to be Marissa Heller.
[Barney and Ted both look towards the couch]
Marshall: Oh, guys, I'm flattered. But I think Lily should do it.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So the big night arrived. Our first stop, the Alberta building.
Ted: Wow! This building is amazing! Did you guys see the porte cochere and the terracotta spandrels outside?
Lily: Oh, my God! Look, I just got a text from Robin. It says... [makes fart noise]

Lily: All right. Here I go. I'm doing this.
Woman: Hi.
Lily: Hello. Ooh. Sorry. Go ahead.
Woman: I'm here for the Van Smoot party. My name is Marissa Heller.
Lily: Oh, bollocks.

Ted: So that's Marissa Heller, huh. She fine.
Marshall: Her teeth look really nice. She must be remembering to go to the dentist even without those reminder postcards.

Lily: So, what are we doing?
Barney: I'm getting us into the party, that's what. Marissa Heller! Barney Stinson. We met at that gathering for... bird owners.
Marissa: I don't think so.
Barney: Wicker lovers?
Marissa: No.
Barney: Stinson out.

Ted: You know, this elevator still uses the same mechanism from when it was first installed in 1906. Rumor is, Louis Lamar Skolnick, the architect who designed this building, carved these panels himself.
Marissa: Oh! A Skolnick fan?
Ted: Well...
Marissa: I love his juxtaposition between the North German Renaissance exterior...
Ted: And the decidedly French influence on the inside. I know! He was an architect with the soul of a poet, really.

Lily: So, anyone been watching The Young and the Restless? [silence]
[flashback to Lily in the apartment:]
Lily: Awesome! Who ordered Soap Opera Illustrated? Huh. Marissa Heller, I like your style.
[present:]
Lily: Anyone? Am I to understand that there isn't a single soap opera fan in this entire elevator? Hmm?
Marissa: I don't own a TV. The only operas I watch are at the MET.
[Barney, Lily and Marshall are unimpressed]
Ted: Dibs.

Marshall: Wow, I am not dressed for this.
Barney: One word, made up. Douche-pocalypse.
Ted: Guys, that's Peter Bogdanovich talking to Arianna Huffington and Will Shortz, editor of the New York Times crossword! Look, let's give this party a chance, okay. There's free food, free booze. Twenty minutes, then we can leave.

Ted: You know who published a great article on Walt Whitman and the politics of semantics? Professor Hammersmith of Oxford.
Professor Hammersmith: I am Professor Hammersmith.
Ted: [excited] What?

Barney: As Under Secretary of the Treasury, I had a big hand in crafting that legislation. Now, I wonder if you'd like to join me in the map room, and give my package some stimulus.
Arianna Huffington: I'm afraid, my darling, you're too old for my taste. [walks away]
Barney: Hey, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still looking pretty hot, but otherwise, this party sucks.