Barney: [enters, on the phone] Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy.
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted: "Sartorial"?
Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!
[Barney holds his hand up for a high-five. A giggling Marshall is the only one to accept]

Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh, come on!

[Robin plays the video:]
Robin Sparkles: I know, how about I sing you a song! [singing] Let's go the mall everybody! Come on, Jessica. Come on, Tori.
Robin: I was a teenage pop star in Canada.
Robin Sparkles: Put on your jelly bracelets And your cool graffiti coat. At the mall, having fun Is what it's all about.
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Marshall: That's you?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today.
Marshall: This is the 90s. Why does it look like 1986?
Robin: The 80s didn't come to Canada till like '93.

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Lily: Look at all these guys. Oh, the sidewalk's going to smell like pee-pee now.
Robin: Well, we'd better start looking for a new bar.
Barney: What, are you... What... Are you crazy? It is a hot bartender. Do you know how long I have been waiting to land a... My friends, I have been with many women in my day. Lawyers, teachers, poets, doctors, professional equestrians, amateur equestrians, [later] a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker... Yes, we're to the rhyming section now. A math professor, a tax assessor, a weight guesser. [later] A puppeteer, a blackjack dealer, a stay-at-home mom... That's a job, too, guys. A circuit court judge...
Robin: Get to the point!
Barney: I have never, ever scored a hot bartender. Until tonight.

Future Ted: [v.o.] If anyone could fix something like this, it was Barney's personal tailor, TV's Tim Gunn.
Tim Gunn: I'm sorry, Barney. I couldn't make it work.
Barney: [whimpering] So young. There's nothing else you could do?
Tim Gunn: No. But there is another suit that can use the buttons from your suit.
Barney: That can... Like an organ donor?
Tim Gunn: Your suit's death could mean another suit's life.
Barney: Oh, my God. Do it. You're doing the right thing. [crying]
Tim Gunn: Please don't cry on this. It's silk.

Ted: Look, Cindy, I know the university rulebook says we can't date. But it also says, "Don't teach drunk," and I do that all the time. The point is, I like you. I do. You're sweet, you're funny. You're writing a dissertation entitled "Foreign Direct Investment and Inter-generational Linkages in Consumption Behavior." I mean, that is hot. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like our paths are supposed to cross somehow. And I don't want to miss out
on knowing you.
Cindy: I don't want to miss out on knowing you, either.
Ted: Look, I got to tell you, I mean, just from looking around your room, I can tell we have a ton in common.
Cindy: Really?
Ted: The Unicorns, Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone? I have never met anyone else who has this album.
Cindy: That's my roommate's. I borrowed it.
Ted: Oh. Well, well, what about this? World's End by T.C. Boyle?
Cindy: That was a birthday gift from my roommate. Haven't checked it out yet.
Ted: Oh. Oh, you should. It's a good read. What about this? This is ridiculous. You play bass? Seriously, ask my friends. I always say, " My ideal woman... does not play bass," because this is clearly your roommate's.
Cindy: She's in a band.
Ted: Damn, that's cool.
Cindy: This is unbelievable. You just picked out the only three things in here that are my roommate's.
Ted: So, does your roommate's band ever play shows, or...
Cindy: Get out.