Barney: [singing] I know what you're thinking What's Barney been drinking? That girl was smoking hot Yes, I could've nailed her But no, it's not a failure 'Cause there's one thing she is not To score a ten would be just fine
But I'd rather be dressed to the nines It's a truth you can't refute Nothing suits me like a suit!
Picture a world Where all the boys and girls Are impeccably well-dressed That delivery guy in a jacket and tie That puppy in a double-breast That '80s dude with muttonchops That baby with a lollipop That lady cop who's kind of cute Nothing suits them like a suit
Choir: Suits
Barney: A wingman I can wear
Choir: Suits
Barney: They're oh, so debonair
Choir: Suits
Barney: The perfect way to snare A girl with daddy issues
Choir: Suits
Barney: In navy blue or black Check out this perfect rack I want to give them a squeeze
Marshall: Oh, really? Then answer these questions if you please [Irish accent] What would you do if you had to choose Between your suits and a pot of gold?
Barney: Suits
Ted: What would you say if you gave your suits away And in return you'd never grow old?
Barney: Suits
Robin: What would you pick? One million chicks Or a single three-piece suit?
Barney: It's moot
Lily: What if world peace Were within your reach?
Barney: [talking] I'm gonna stop you right there. It's suits. Come on, Lily, get your head out of your ass.
Barney: Two, three, four [singing] Girls will go and girls will come But there's only one absolute Every bro on the go needs to know That there's no accepted substitute I'm sorry, suits, let's make amends My Sunday best are my best friends Send casual Friday down the laundry chute 'Cause nothing suits the undisputed Oft-saluted suitor of repute Like... A... Wait for it... Suit
Choir: Nothing suits him Like a suit Suit Up! Suit Up! Suit Up! Suit Up!
Barney: [talking] Then again, she is pretty hot.

Barney: [enters, on the phone] Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy.
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted: "Sartorial"?
Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!
[Barney holds his hand up for a high-five. A giggling Marshall is the only one to accept]

Tanya: Wow, the Peace Corps?
Barney: Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, "Is it?" And usually they say, "Yes, it is."

Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do.

Ted: I guess, what, we'll need fake names?
Victoria: Um, you can call me Buttercup. [Victoria and Ted shake hands]
Ted: Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian. [Victoria laughs] Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded...
Barney: [enters] Ted, Ted, Ted, look, I got a bridesmaid, Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid, Ted, look. See ya, Ted. [leaves]
Ted: So, I'm Ted.
Victoria: Victoria. But no last names.
Ted: No last names.