Barney Quote #117

Quote from Barney in Drumroll, Please

Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh, come on!

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Features in the collection: Barney Stinson: Suit Up.

‘Barney Stinson: Suit Up’

Quote from Barney in Girls Vs. Suits

Barney: [singing] I know what you're thinking What's Barney been drinking? That girl was smoking hot Yes, I could've nailed her But no, it's not a failure 'Cause there's one thing she is not To score a ten would be just fine
But I'd rather be dressed to the nines It's a truth you can't refute Nothing suits me like a suit!
Picture a world Where all the boys and girls Are impeccably well-dressed That delivery guy in a jacket and tie That puppy in a double-breast That '80s dude with muttonchops That baby with a lollipop That lady cop who's kind of cute Nothing suits them like a suit
Choir: Suits
Barney: A wingman I can wear
Choir: Suits
Barney: They're oh, so debonair
Choir: Suits
Barney: The perfect way to snare A girl with daddy issues
Choir: Suits
Barney: In navy blue or black Check out this perfect rack I want to give them a squeeze
Marshall: Oh, really? Then answer these questions if you please [Irish accent] What would you do if you had to choose Between your suits and a pot of gold?
Barney: Suits
Ted: What would you say if you gave your suits away And in return you'd never grow old?
Barney: Suits
Robin: What would you pick? One million chicks Or a single three-piece suit?
Barney: It's moot
Lily: What if world peace Were within your reach?
Barney: [talking] I'm gonna stop you right there. It's suits. Come on, Lily, get your head out of your ass.
Barney: Two, three, four [singing] Girls will go and girls will come But there's only one absolute Every bro on the go needs to know That there's no accepted substitute I'm sorry, suits, let's make amends My Sunday best are my best friends Send casual Friday down the laundry chute 'Cause nothing suits the undisputed Oft-saluted suitor of repute Like... A... Wait for it... Suit
Choir: Nothing suits him Like a suit Suit Up! Suit Up! Suit Up! Suit Up!
Barney: [talking] Then again, she is pretty hot.

Quote from Barney in Monday Night Football

Barney: [enters, on the phone] Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy.
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted: "Sartorial"?
Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!
[Barney holds his hand up for a high-five. A giggling Marshall is the only one to accept]

 ‘Drumroll, Please’ Quotes

Quote from Lily

Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do.

Quote from Barney

Tanya: Wow, the Peace Corps?
Barney: Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, "Is it?" And usually they say, "Yes, it is."

 Barney Stinson Quotes

Quote from How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote from The Three Days Rule

Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.