Marshall: Hah! Oh! Mickey, guess who found the basement stairs? I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, and when I get there, I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, so it'll be fine.
Mickey: [over intercom] Hey, Marshall, I know I've been messing with you, but seriously, that second step, don't...
Marshall: I don't want to hear it, Mickey. Ow, ow, oh, ow, oh, ow. Oh, my knee! Ow!
Mickey: And watch out for my drum set.

Lily: Dad, why are you acting like this?
Mickey: Well, I was just trying to be helpful, but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July.
Lily: Tomorrow. You know what a helpful father, not to mention grandfather, might do? Get these lights back on.
Mickey: [intercom beeps] Okay, Marshall, listen up. I'm gonna get you to that fuse box.
Marshall: Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? I don't know anything about this house.
Mickey: No, Marshall... you don't know anything about your house. All right, we got a lot of work to do.

Mickey: Hey, honey, look, I'm sorry I was a jerk before. Okay? I'll leave right after breakfast. I'll crash with some friends.
Lily: Dad, you know what? You can stay.
Mickey: Oh, thank God. I got no friends. I'll be here two weeks, tops.
Future Ted: [v.o.] It wasn't two weeks.

Lily: I don't need this right now, Ted. I swear, if there's one more crisis...
Mickey: Well, the bees escaped their enclosure, but no reason to "bee" concerned. [laughs] No, there is, we're in big trouble.
Lily: What is that smell?
Mickey: Oh, I doused my suit with kerosene. All beekeepers do this.

Mickey: Hey, buddy. Best housewarming party ever. Everybody's abuzz. Abuzz.
Marshall: Oh, good one, Mickey.

Garrison Cootes: Maybe he's right. Maybe I do need a hobby.
Mickey: Well, hey, how about beekeeping?
Garrison Cootes: Me? No. I-I don't know the first thing about bees.
Mickey: You want to know a secret? Neither do I.
Garrison Cootes: It's not a secret.

Mickey: Look, honey, I was a jerk who wasn't there for most of your childhood and I regret that every single day of my life. But I promise you I'm here now for Marvin if you want.
Lily: You're hired.

Mickey: Come on, relax. I know this little guy like the back of my hand. [looks at his hand] Dear Lord, what is that? [licks his hand] Oh, jam, okay. Just jam.