Marshall: Why would you do that... with Mickey?
Ju:I've been lonely, Marshall, and all the men in St. Cloud's idea of romance is taking me ice fishing. That was me and your father's thing. Plus, call it an overcorrection, but it's kind of nice being with a sophisticated, big-city man.
Mickey: [belches] You know, I don't know what the big deal is. You've been bumping uglies with my daughter for years. The second I climb up on your mom, it's the end of the world?

Marshall: No! I'm never coming out!
Mickey: You know, Marshall, you've been in there for a while now. And I couldn't help but notice you chugged that Super Big Gulp.
Marshall: It's not gonna work, Mickey. My bladder's as big as your betrayal!
Mickey: I see. So it's not gonna bother you to think about leaky faucets or open hydrants, or rushing rivers, or... Oh, God, I got to pee.

Marshall: So, we, um... we just wanted to say that we're sorry for the way that we acted when we found out about you two.
Lily: Your happiness is what is most important, so, if you two want to date, it's okay by us.
Mickey: Who said anything about dating?
Judy: This is just about sex.
Mickey: We're family... with benefits.
[later, Lily and Marshall hold each other as they gip in the closet]

Lily: [on the phone] Hey, Dad, just taking a break from our amazing night to check in. I bet Marvin's pretty devastated that I'm not there, huh?
Mickey: Not at all. I don't think he even noticed you're gone. It's kind of like Mommy who? [laughs]
Lily: Oh... Oh, good. But I should probably sing him his nighttime lullaby over the phone, just in case.
Mickey: Sang it already, nailed it.
Lily: Did you do the horsie?
Mickey: Yep.
Lily: The birdie?
Mickey: Yep.
Lily: Elephant?
Mickey: Yep.
Lily: Moose.
Mickey: No moose, trick question.
Lily: Robot.
Mickey: [robot voice] Affirmative. Look, I should go. Marvin's asleep in my arms. Mmm, his head smells like love. Bye.

Marshall: Okay, we met for a drink last week.
[flashback to Marshall meeting Mickey at MacLaren's:]
Mickey: I miss her a ton. Little princess. She ever talk about me?
Marshall: Yeah, yeah. Like, all the time. She tells this one really sweet story about...
Mickey: So never?
Marshall: No, not a word.

Mickey: Ted, you better roll quickly. Your gall bladder's about to burst.

Marshall: I really think that we should go look for Lily.
Mickey: Ted, gall bladder about to pop.

Mickey: Well, I feel a little weird. I just met Barney, and I don't have anything against the guy, but... how often do you get a chance to slap someone right in his face?
[Mickey stretches and gets ready to slap Barney. He winces.]
Barney: Soft!
Mickey: I'm sorry. I can't do it.
Barney: Thank God.
Mickey: Lily... I know I haven't been much of a father to you.
Barney: You are kidding me.
Mickey: So for all the ballet recitals that I missed, for all the art shows that I should've been at, for the wedding gift that I never got a chance to give to you... Princess, I give this slap to you.

Marshall: Whoa. Lights out in the suburbs is... is really dark. Where's the fuse box?
Lily: I don't know.
Mickey: [over intercom] I know where it is. Maybe I could fix it for you, if I wasn't so busy packing.
Marshall: You know what? I bet the fuse box is in the basement. I'll just... I'll go find it myself. How hard can it be? Ow!
Mickey: As hard as that desk you just walked into? [laughs] Good burn, Mickey. You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one.

Lily: [over intercom] Marshall, I just remembered I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can.
Marshall: Okay, thanks, baby.
[in night-vision, we see Mickey sneak into the room, and grab the matches from the drawer before Marshall gets there]
Marshall: Lily, I can't find them.
Mickey: [over intercom, lights match] Looking for these? Oh, right, you can't see me. Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. [laughs] Aah, ooh, ow! Ow.