Mickey: You're going back to work? Sheez, Marshall, you are as busy as a... Oh, gosh, what are you as busy as?
Lily: Please don't talk about the bees.
Mickey: I was gonna say Nicolas Cage. That guy is in everything.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Her whole life, Mickey disappointed Lily. And she always put up with it, until one day in 2006 when Lily went to visit her grandparents.
Marshall: So, Rita, are you excited about the big move to Florida?
Rita: Actually, dear, slight change of plans. We're staying here for the time being.
Morris: We had a slight financial hiccup.
Mickey: [o.s.] Mom, the straw to my juice box broke!

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Mickey: Ma, chop chop! Oh, hey, guys. What a pleasant surprise.
Lily: Dad, wat happened to your apartment?
Mickey: Oh, well, I had a little falling out with my roommate.
Lily: What happened?
Mickey: Uh, well, he wanted me to pay rent. Got kind of ugly.

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Morris: Bye, sweetheart. I'm off to work.
Lily: Work? You're retired.
Morris: Now that I have an extra mouth to feed, I had to go back to the steel mill. Rita, where's my truss?
Lily: [to Mickey] So, not only did you stop them from moving to Florida, but now you forced Grandpa to go back to work?
Mickey: Just until I get Aldrin Games Unlimited off the ground with my new sensation: "Dog Fight Promoter".
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Lily gave her dad a look that Marshall had only seen a few times before. A look we all prayed never to be on the receiving end of: Her "you're dead to me" look.

[TV commercial:]
Announcer: New from Aldrin Games Unlimited, it's... Slap Bet! The slap-happy game that's a real hit.
Chorus: [singing] You just got slapped, across the face, my friend...
Announcer: For kids of all ages.
Chorus: [singing] You just got slapped, that really just happened... Everybody saw it, everybody laughed and clapped, 'cause it was awesome...
Boy: I win!
Chorus: [singing] The way that you just got slapped.
Announcer: Slap yourself silly with Slap Bet, the happy hitting game from Aldrin.

Mickey: I don't see why people aren't getting this. Shoplifter does not promote crime. It celebrates it. [phone rings] Excuse me. [answers] Yeah.
Lily: Hey, Dad. I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news. I'm pregnant.
Mickey: Great. Thanks. [hangs up]

Mickey: [over intercom] Hello, Mr. Eriksen. From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor.
Marshall: Okay... you know what, Mickey? You can save the creepy game master routine. It's only kind of terrifying me.
Mickey: Oh, but the game has just begun. I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." That's just a working title.

Mickey: Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. Now look to your left and spit. [sizzles] That's the water heater. Want to stay away from that. That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table and don't so much as nudge it.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: Because there are 900 dominos set up in the shape of Barbara Eden. Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.
Marshall: I'm clear. [dominoes falling] I don't know what that sound is, Mickey.
Mickey: That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. That's what that is.

Mickey: Okay, Marshall, take three steps forward, and you should be at the fuse box.
Lily: Do you think he made it?
[The lights come on]
Marshall: I did it!
Mickey: No, Marshall... you did it.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Fun fact: that night inspired Mickey's one and only successful board game.
[TV commercial:]
Man: [singing] With splintery floorboards and rusty nails Make sure you don't get impaled Lites Out!
Mickey: Brought to you by Aldrin Games!

Mickey: That's right, Widow Rodriguez. Stretch it. Work those gams. Ooh, yeah. Grab that left arm. Clutch that chest. Fall down really fast. Oh, my God! Somebody call 911!