Rory: If you let me study now, I'll play with you this weekend.
Lorelai: Promise?
Rory: Yes. We can do anything you want.
Lorelai: Will you go to the shoe sale with me?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Will you let me try on anything I want?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Will you help push people away if they go for my size?
Rory: I'll even run interference for you.
Lorelai: All right, you've got a deal.
Rory: Good.
Lorelai: [exits and returns] So, I'm sorry. Where did we land on the whole ice cream issue? [Rory grabs her books and heads off] What?

Jackson: Okay. Before you get all goofy on me, I don't have your porcinis. I forgot them. I don't have any other excuse, other than plain, old, stupid human error. And I have the morels, which I know you don't want, so come on, let me have it.
Sookie: [sighs] Morels are fine.
Jackson: Did anyone else feel the shift in the space-time continuum?
Lorelai: A reviewer didn't like the risotto.
Jackson: The magic risotto? You're kidding.
Lorelai: I gotta go. So try and cheer her up, would you?
Jackson: Sure.
Lorelai: [to Sookie] Sweetie, please don't worry about it. Everyone knows you're the best.
Jackson: So... I hear the huckleberry crop"s gonna totally suck this year. [chuckles]

Lorelai: I just thought I'd like to see the excitement.
Man: It's a test.
Lorelai: Yeah, I know.
Man: What's exciting about a test?
Lorelai: Do you play golf?
Man: Yes, I do.
Lorelai: You explain yours, I'll explain mine.

Rory: What's that?
Luke: You look like you need pie.
Rory: I do?
Luke: Violent pencil-tossing usually signals a need for pie.
Rory: What if I'd thrown a pen?
Luke: I would've brought you a trout.
Rory: What?
Luke: I don't make the rules, I just carry them out.

Lorelai: It went very well. I was extremely charming. I won the whole crowd over. They made me queen.
Rory: So, I guess you talked to Mr. Medina.
Lorelai: Mm-hmm. Why did you let me whine about ice cream and shoe sales when you had something major going on?
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: I hate when I'm an idiot and don't know it. I like to be aware of my idiocy. To really revel in it, take pictures. I feel we've missed a prime Christmas-card opportunity.

Rory: I couldn't form the words. I couldn't even say it. I couldn't even comprehend it. It was a "D." I got a "D." I've never gotten a "D." Ever.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: Even when I broke my arm and couldn't write for a month I got an "A" minus.
Lorelai: That was a different school.
Rory: I know. It was Stars Hollow High. A "D" at Stars Hollow is like an "F" at Chilton. It's worse. It's like a "G" or a "W."
Lorelai: So I'm guessing the spelling test didn't go well either?
Rory: A "D." I suck.
Lorelai: You don't suck.
Rory: I can't do this.
Lorelai: Listen, a "D" is bad, okay? But this talk about "I suck," "I can't do this," and self-pity, that's worse. That's not you. You didn't feel sorry for yourself when it took you three months to learn how to ride a bike. And you won't know.
Rory: Four months.
Lorelai: Huh?
Rory: It took me four months to learn how to ride a bike.
Lorelai: Really? Four months?
Rory: Yeah. You wanna belabor the conversation?

Paris: [to Rory] "Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken It is the star to every wandering bark Whose worth's unknown although his height be taken" You're going down.

Waiter: You were looking for me?
Sookie: Yes! Three weeks ago, a guy comes in here, Lucien Mills orders the risotto, doesn't like it.
Waiter: The magic risotto? You're kidding.
Sookie: Not helping. He's a restaurant critic. He ordered lots of things, probably didn't finish them. Now, in his review, he said his waiter had a goatee. Now, you've got a goatee, so you waited on him, and I need info.
Waiter: Well, what did he look like?
Sookie: Like he was unhappy with the risotto! Maybe he had an annoying companion that wouldn't let him concentrate on his eating.
Waiter: I serve a lot of people.
Sookie: He had a beard, false teeth, or a wig or the glasses with the big nose.
Waiter: May I be fired now?
Lorelai: Absolutely.
Sookie: What about a guy with an annoying companion and a fake wig sitting underneath an air-conditioning vent next to a woman with too much perfume on?

Lorelai: Oh, jeez. This was such a bad sleeping idea.
Rory: [o.s.] I'm late!
Lorelai: What?
Rory: [o.s.] I'm late! I woke up late!
Lorelai: Rory, calm down.
Rory: [o.s.] I can't calm down! I missed my bus! Get up!
Lorelai: Sweetie, mommy can't get up right now. Mommy's been sleeping at a right angle all night.

Lorelai: Make sure that carpet is replaced perfectly before they go.
Michel: Okay.
Lorelai: Perfectly, nailed down and everything.
Michel: Oh, you mean that "perfectly." I thought you meant the other "perfectly." The one that could be misinterpreted by the other Michel, you know, the one who couldn't understand what you meant by "perfectly."