Lorelai: The Comedy of Errors, written?
Rory: 1590.
Lorelai: Published?
Rory: 1698.
Lorelai: Ooh, 1623. Close.
Rory: How is 1623 close?
Lorelai: You got the 16 part right.
Rory: I was off by 75 years.
Lorelai: Well, anything under 100 is close.
Rory: What kind of a rule is that?
Lorelai: I'm running the study session here. Okay. Richard III.
Rory: 1591. [Lorelai imitates a buzzer] '93? [Lorelai imitates a buzzer] '96? [Lorelai imitates a buzzer] Okay, that's getting really annoying now. [Lorelai imitates a buzzer]

Lorelai: Go on. I'm listening.
Rory: The sonnets are 154 poems of 14 lines.
Lorelai: Except?
Rory: Except for 126, which is 12 lines.
Lorelai: Good.
Rory: They're written in iambic pentameter.
Lorelai: Except?
Rory: Except for 145, which is in tetrameter.
Lorelai: Rock on, sister.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: Not one mistake. How do you feel?
Rory: Nauseous.
Lorelai: Well, I don't think the fries and the horseradish sauce was the best idea we ever had.
Rory: It was satisfying in the moment, though.

Sookie: I found his bill!
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Sookie: It wasn't the risotto, it was the wine. He ordered the wrong wine!
Lorelai: Great.
Sookie: You see, in the review, he mentioned a summer tomato salad which I only made once in the last three weeks because Jackson of course decided to get in a fistfight with his tomato grower- Okay, that's a different story.
Lorelai: Yes. Save it for Christmastime.
Sookie: So, Brian, the goateed waiter, only worked one shift last week because his girlfriend kicked him out.
Lorelai: Celia kicked him out?
Sookie: He didn't want kids.
Lorelai: Well, she knew that when she moved in.
Sookie: Yeah, but women think they can change men.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Sookie: So, anyhow, I checked the dates, and narrowed the day down and found a party that had ordered practically everything including-
Lorelai: The magic risotto.
Sookie: Yes, the risotto and a Riesling. A Riesling!
Lorelai: [scoffs] Why not drink battery acid?
Sookie: Exactly. Changes the entire flavor of the dish. And the fact that Brian served it makes me think Celia is better off without him.

Jackson: Okay. Here are the zucchini.
Sookie: Too small. Take them away.
Jackson: Oh, it's good to have her back, huh?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Jackson: You're still gonna have to pay for the zucchini.
Lorelai: [sighs] Yeah.

Hanlin Charleston: My goodness, you do like to throw fits in your family.
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Hanlin Charleston: Your daughter threw a similar, if not as manic, fit of her own this morning.
Lorelai: Oh, please. Rory doesn't throw fits. She's the most even-tempered person I know.
Hanlin Charleston: Well, she did a lovely impression of you.
Lorelai: Ms. Gilmore, everything you said in your rant was absolutely true without the colorful embellishments of course. We do set impossible standards and such standards do foster highly competitive children. However, that is life, and that is Chilton.
Lorelai: Rules can change. You can change them.
Hanlin Charleston: I told your daughter when she came here, that this place was not for everyone and might not be for her. I will now tell you the same thing. She doesn't have to be here. She doesn't have to go to Harvard. Maybe she shouldn't. If she can't handle the pressure, she should leave. Now, you're going to take your daughter home now and decide what it is you intend to do. However, another outburst like this from either of you will not be on the options list. Thank you for coming in. That will be all.

Lorelai: You did. You got hit by a deer.
Rory: It just came out of nowhere.
Lorelai: You couldn't just run into a wall like other kids?

Man: May I help you?
Sookie: Yes. Hello. My name is Sookie St. James. I'm the chef at the Independence Inn.
Man: I know who you are.
Sookie: You do? Well, I'm flattered. You write about a lot of chefs-
Man: What are you doing here?
Sookie: Right. Well, I know that this is a terrible intrusion, but- Are you cooking?
Man: I'm making chicken.
Sookie: You used too much salt.
Man: I did not.
Sookie: Well, it smells salty.
Man: I'm closing the door now.
Sookie: No, wait. I found your address from my network of culinary friends-
Man: This is really inappropriate. I gave you a good review. I suggest you go home.
Sookie: I don't care about the review. I just- I want you to try this dish with this wine. I'll wait. [door closes]

Lorelai: I'm talking about, did it start with me or did it start with you? Was it my dream that you went to Harvard?
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Because I never got to do the big, fancy college thing. Maybe all this time I'm thinking it's all for Rory when really it wasn't. I'm not doing this because of you. If you are, you don't have to.
Rory: I know that.
Lorelai: I'll still love you even if you can't support me in my old age in the fabulous manner to which I plan on growing accustomed.
Rory: I'll remember that selfless gesture. Thank you.
Lorelai: I just want you to be happy.
Rory: I am.
Lorelai: No, I want you to be dancing-through-the-woods-crazy happy. And if Harvard and Chilton is not gonna do that for you then forget about them.
Rory: I was just behind. I never caught up on all the reading. That's why I got a "D." I can catch up. I will catch up. And when I do, everything will be fine.

Rory: Thanks, though.
Lorelai: For what?
Rory: For yelling at the headmaster the way you did.
Lorelai: I didn't yell at him.
Rory: You called him II Duce.
Lorelai: Which means "kind sir" in Cantonese.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: You're welcome. How much longer are we gonna look for this crazy deer?
Rory: Just a little further. I just hope he didn't hurt himself.
Lorelai: I just hope he has insurance.

Lorelai: Go get that plaid skirt off and grab your books. We're going to Luke's.
Rory: Don't you have to get back to work?
Lorelai: They can last a little longer without me. Plus Michel gets so cute when he feels he's overworked. His ears puff out, his nostrils flare. It's big fun.