Mrs. Kim: Hello, Lorelai. What can I do for you? Well, do you still have the big door knockers, metal with the chipped red paint? You're a magician. Do you know that?
Lorelai: Oh, it's great. Isn't it big?
Mrs. Kim: And good price, seeing as how it may have belonged to James Madison. It was commonly known that James Madison liked big knockers.
Lorelai: [chuckles] I bet a lot of the founding fathers liked big knockers. I'm sorry for laughing. I'd explain if I could.
Mrs. Kim: It's a double entendre. I've been in this country 20 years. I get things.
Lorelai: I never doubted.

Lorelai: Greetings, my lord. Your lady hath arrived to be escorted forthwith.
Luke: That's pretty good. I didn't know you spoke Renaissance.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah. I'm quite fluent in Renaissance.

Lorelai: No, really, a nice, manly wreath in your hair wouldn't work?
Luke: There's no such thing as a manly wreath.
Lorelai: Oh, I don't know. Julius Caesar pulled it off. He was very popular with the ladies. Cleopatra used to pull his leaves off, very sexy.

Dean: What happened here?
Rory: Oh, I feel so stupid. I was on this date.
Dean: Oh, yeah?
Rory: It was a boy that Grandma saw in diapers. And she brought him over, and I tagged along on this stupid outing tonight.
Dean: He was in diapers?
Rory: No, she knew him when he was a little kid. So it was this whole big group of people, and they were all drinking in the car, smoking. And I just thought, "These are, maybe, the last people on earth that I would want to die in a car crash with."
Dean: Well, I'm glad you cut it short.
Rory: Poor Grandma. It's not her fault. She was just thinking I was lonely, and diaper boy was nice and doing her matchmaker thing. Did I say that I feel stupid?

Jess: I want to pay you back all the money.
Luke: You don't have to.
Jess: I want to. And I appreciate it everything. The money, living here.
Luke: Well, it's good to hear, but I kind of knew that.
Jess: Yeah, but, in a relationship - any relationship - it's important to let the other person know you appreciate them so you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation.
Luke: I think I read that somewhere.
Jess: Yeah?
Luke: You're hoping for reciprocation? You got it. I'm here, Jess. I'm always here.
Jess: Thanks.

Jess: Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too.
Rory: No!
Jess: I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new.
Rory: There's nothing to start!
Jess: You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can.
Rory: No!
Jess: Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do.
Rory: No, no, no, no, no!
Jess: Don't say "no" just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me.
Rory: No!

Miss Patty: No, no, boys. You go clockwise! Clockwise! Can't you tell time?

Jackson: They're the best I've got.
Sookie: That's sad for you and the whole vegetable industry.
Jackson: They're the best in the state. I stand by them.
Sookie: They're puny. They're tasteless.
Jackson: Puny? These are not puny.
Sookie: If they're small enough to shove up our son's nose, they're too small!
Jackson: No way could you shove one of these up Davey's nose.
Sookie: Bet you five bucks.
Jackson: Get him in here!
Lorelai: Hey, guys. You probably shouldn't shove a radish up your son's nose. Just thinking out loud.

Rory: [on the phone] There is so much joy around me, I'm gonna hurl.
Lorelai: Hey, what's wrong?
Rory: You should see all the boisterous high-fiving going on all around me. It's sad. It's just really sad. Hey, do you mind, buddy?
Lorelai: Kids are in party mode, huh?
Rory: The kids are clicking their heels like there's no tomorrow. And there is no tomorrow for those who do not have a final on Saturday morning, such as me. I'm pathetic. I should stand between two of them and have them high-five my head from opposite sides and put me out of my misery.
Lorelai: Just one more final to go, then you'll be free.
Rory: Ahh, two more boisterous bozos just rubbing my face in it.

Lorelai: [on the phone] It's just always so weird, this "J"-word topic of ours.
Rory: You don't have to refer to him as "the 'J' word." Call him "Jess," and feel free to tell me when you see him. I mean, if you see him eight times in one day, you don't need to call me eight different times to tell me. That's clearly overkill.
Lorelai: Sure.
Rory: Maybe, like, you could limit the reports to just significant sightings. If you see him a hundred yards away, disappearing around a corner, I really don't need to know that. If he comes up to you and spits in your face, report that.
Lorelai: Permission to spit back?
Rory: You know what I'm saying.