Rory: What is going on here?
Lorelai: What are you talking about? I'm trying to get her to fess up to the separation.
Rory: Not you. Me! Am I cloaked in loneliness or something? Everybody has been pestering me about my love life this week.
Lorelai: That was not about you. It was about evading my questions. It's a classic Sun Tzu Art of War maneuver. If you're being attacked from the east, attack whoever's to your west, and you were the west. I never read the book. It's full of crap like that.

Kirk: I don't call that a "maypole." I'd call that a "maybe-not pole."
Lorelai: What's with him?
Miss Patty: He's mad because I made Chrissy my dance captain over him.
Lorelai: Kirk has forty-three jobs.

Rory: It's only hitting me now. My classes are done. Done. I don't have to think about Chaucer or Euclid or Kafka or Machiavelli for months. I can just think about Jane magazine and why did Uma wear that dress. Fun stuff like that.
Dean: You'll still think about Kafka and probably Chaucer.
Rory: Probably. But those other two bozos are history. You hear me? History!

Lorelai: Tough day, Patty?
Miss Patty: I've worked with Joan Crawford. This is worse.

Rory: Well, stop attacking her so she'll stop attacking me.
Lorelai: Well, you butted into my line of inquiry with your, "He's in Philadelphia" stuff. She was about ready to crack.
Rory: She was not ready to crack. She was ready to say, "He's in Philadelphia."
Lorelai: Did he sound like he was in Philadelphia when he called?
Rory: You mean, did I hear guys in the background saying, "Get your Philly cheesesteak here?"

Kirk: Hope ye took much pleasure in Kajagoogoo. Methinks Oingo Boingo wilst soon makest an appearance. But first, please clear the floor for our happy couple-eth.

Miss Patty: I got my hands full here.
Lorelai: The Banyan boys?
Miss Patty: Oh! Lucifer tired of them in hell and dumped them here.

Lorelai: Hey, Kirk, maybe you want to ease up on Patty a little.
Lorelai: But the maypole is an expertise of mine. I re-enacted the dwarf's maypole choreography from "The Safety Dance" video, my junior-high talent show. Chicks were falling at my feet. I'm less than impressed, Patty!
Lorelai: Take a break, please. I've seen Miss Patty get violent. It's not pretty. Remember that time?
Kirk: That's when she beat me up.
Lorelai: Yeah. Let's not repeat that.

Lorelai: You two are back big-time.
Sookie: That actually felt good. Like getting a Jack LaLanne workout.
Lorelai: Dead or alive?
Sookie: Jack LaLanne? Dead. No. Alive. Oh, now that's gonna bug me.

Lorelai: [on the phone] You know, I do have one thing to run by you. Do you have the brain power?
Rory: I think I can swing it.
Lorelai: It involves the "J" word.
Rory: Oh, not more about Jesus. I'm sick of him and Mel Gibson.