Lorelai: [on the phone] There's a horse in the dining room.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Cletus is in the dining room.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: He heard about the terrific continental breakfast? I don't know. I gotta go look into this.

Michel: Lorelai, I need your signature on this, please.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: Yes?
Lorelai: Do you see the big-nostriled thing next to me here?
Michel: The horse?
Lorelai: Uh-huh, the horse.
Michel: It's been here for twenty minutes.
Lorelai: Oh. What were you doing about it?
Michel: Nothing.
Lorelai: Oh, no, nothing?
Michel: It's a giant, smelly horse. I figured someone was already taking care of it.

Sookie: He's alive!
Lorelai: Who?
Sookie: Jack LaLanne. I just googled him. Hi, Cletus.
Lorelai: Oh, so you already saw the horse?
Sookie: Yeah. Sure, he's been here, what, twenty, thirty minutes?
Michel: About twenty-five.
Lorelai: Okay, new Dragonfly Inn rule. Everyone listening? Okay, if you see a horse in the inn or any other large quadruped or biped or anything that's not - what's the word - human, figure no one's doing anything about it and do something.
Michel: Oh, fine with me.
Sookie: Yeah, same here.
Michel: If we had the rule before, I would have done something.

Kirk: Nail polish remover - $1.40. Ladies Speed Stick - $2.60. Good choice on that one. Keeps you dry all day and into the night. Jasmine body lotion - nice price on that. Might want to get a couple.
Dean: [to Jess] It's for my wife.
Kirk: And, with your emery boards, it comes to $19.67.
Dean: Keep the change.

Lorelai: You're playing different music.
Emily: Hmm?
Lorelai: The music. It's different. Some chick is singing.
Emily: It's "Blossom Deary." You don't like it?
Lorelai: No, I like it fine. You've just never played it. You and Dad always play classical music.
Emily: Well, we just thought we'd try something new tonight.
Lorelai: We?
Emily: He's out of town, but you know what I mean. We talked about changing the music.

Graham: Okay, well, lesson number one: when your mom or your grandmother starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts at a specific time and place, and she's smiling kind of weird, begin evasive maneuvers immediately.
Rory: Got caught in that one myself.
Graham: And lesson number two: never, ever let anybody outside of your family see you in diapers.
Rory: You were young I hope.

Luke: What is wrong with this shoe polish?
Jess: The fact that Pontius Pilate was alive when you bought it?
Luke: Shoe polish goes bad?
Jess: It's all chunky.

Luke: Just do me a favor. I'm gonna try to keep a happy, proud look on my face to cover the smirking and about-to-laugh-my-ass-off face just underneath. Help me achieve this.

Luke: Does she remind you of someone?
Lorelai: Can you say Leslie Van Houten?

Lane: There's no way I could afford a place on my own, so we live together. We share all the expenses and a bathroom. That's unfortunate, but we're starving artists, Mama.