Michel: I don't understand why you get to bring Rory, and I don't get to bring my Chows.
Lorelai: Because I'm mad with power.
Michel: They are cleaner than she is. They are quieter than she is.
Lorelai: Stop comparing your dogs to my kid.
Michel: As much as you love Rory, that is how much I love Paw-paw and Chin Chin.
Lorelai: I gave birth to her! I carried her inside me, and nine months and twenty-six hours later, she came out!
Michel: If I could have given birth to them myself, I would have. But I didn't have that choice!

Kirk: I have night terrors.
Luke: Night terrors?
Kirk: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
Luke: Jeez.
Kirk: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
Luke: Why?
Kirk: Because it was a bomb.
Luke: Of course.
Kirk: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof.
Luke: Huh.
Kirk: Completely naked.
Luke: Aw, jeez!
Kirk: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.

Luke: I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!
Lorelai: The book?!
Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
Lorelai: I loved the flowers!
Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
Lorelai: There was! There was a moment. [Luke steps forward] What are you doing?
Luke: Will you just stand still? [they kiss] [Lorelai steps forward] What are you doing?
Lorelai: Will you just stand still? [they kiss]

Rory: I got home from this awful setup.
Lane: The guy your grandmother brought by?
Rory: That's the one.
Lane: He was that bad?
Rory: James Spader in Pretty in Pink.
Lane: You could have just stopped at "James Spader."

Luke: Who's what?
Babette: Oh, that's Jason Stiles. He was Lorelai's boyfriend for the last six months.
Luke: Oh, yeah?
Babette: Yeah. Not exactly who I pictured her with, but he does have a very nice car. Anyhow, they were hiding their relationship from her parents, 'cause Jason was her father's business partner. Well, of course, the parents found out about it, and all hell broke loose. Jason wound up suing Lorelai's father.
Luke: They still together?
Babette: I don't know. I thought they broke up, but he's here, so maybe. I could ask Patty for you if you want. Sometimes she gets the news first, 'cause her phone line picks up other people's conversations, something about proximity to the power lines. I'll tell ya, location, location, location.

Rory: So, inviting them to stay in the inn is going to do what?
Lorelai: I'm not inviting them to stay in the inn. I'm inviting them to stay in the bungalow 150 feet away from the inn.
Rory: Diabolical.
Lorelai: I'm going to lock those two in a room, and they are either coming out reconciled or in a body bag. And believe you me, I'm fine either way.
Rory: Well, look who died and made you Hayley Mills.

Michel: You said I could invite friends of mine, did you not?
Lorelai: I did.
Michel: Okay, so I did that. I invited two of my friends, and I put them in room four, and now room four is taken with my friends as you suggested, okay?
Lorelai: Paw-paw and Chin Chin cannot come to the test run.
Michel: Why not?
Lorelai: Because they are dogs, Michel.
Michel: They cannot stay home by themselves. They get lonely and they eat expensive Italian things.
Lorelai: Then get yourself a Chow sitter, because room four is for human beings only.

Lorelai: I think that's enough wood there, Kirk.
Kirk: Okay, I put wood in all the guest rooms and the living room, so all I have to do is store the rest of the cord you bought.
Lorelai: Okay, Michel will take you outside and show you where it goes.
Kirk: Outside? Do you really want to expose your wood to the elements?
Lorelai: We'll get a tarp. Michel?
Michel: Any dogs, Kirk?
Kirk: Dogs urinate on wood. I hate dogs.

Michel: [sighs] There are all sorts of chromosomes missing from that man.

Lane: Hey, you hungry?
Rory: I'm starving.
Lane: Well, your timing is perfect, 'cause I went to the store yesterday. [lifts up a floorboard]
Rory: Are you kidding me? You just got away from the floorboard life.
Lane: Boys will eat everything. I bought vanilla-almond body lotion the other day.
Rory: No.
Lane: On chips. Mine, by the way.