Luke: You ate the cookie, and then you took a cookie out of the box and put it where the cookie you just ate was.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: Well, that's nuts.
Lorelai: Rory made this for me, I don't wanna ruin it.
Luke: Then why'd you eat the cookie?
Lorelai: 'Cause I wanted a Mallomar.
Luke: But why didn't you just eat one out of the box?
Lorelai: 'Cause this one was right here. The box was all the way in the cupboard.
Luke: But you had to go to the cupboard to get the box to replace the cookie you ate off the table.
Lorelai: So?

Tobin: Michel, did you get a bagel?
Michel: I don't want a bagel.
Tobin: Are you sure? They're Kosher.
Michel: I don't eat bagels. Bagels are like glue in your intestines and ensure that everything that enters your body will remain there until you die.
Sookie: Ew. Shut up.

Paris: Well, I didn't buy a new purse, I pierced my nose. And within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its normal size, blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe. I went to the emergency room, where they pried the thing out of my nose and shot me up with antibiotics. I spent the night with an ice pack strapped to my face.
Rory: Oh, Paris.
Paris: It seems that I was allergic to the crap metal hoop that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose.
Louise: Did you take a picture?
Paris: No, Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells, a burden you've not yet faced.

Rory: No. Now you three listen to me. We agreed that this was going to be the world's largest pizza. That was the concept. Now I realize it can't be the world's largest pizza because that pizza was insane, but it is still going to be large. Very large. Crazy large.
Pete: But we...
Rory: No buts! That was the concept, get back to the concept! This is not Gangs of New York now with Cameron Diaz. This is Gangs of New York twenty years ago with Meryl Streep as Scorsese originally imagined it. Come back, refocus, remember the goal. Am I making myself clear?
Joe: Cameron Diaz is hot.
Rory: Not the point, Joe.
Joe: Okay, jeez.
Rory: Now tonight is my mother's birthday party and the whole town is going to be there and they are expecting music, favors, and a really large pizza and they will not be disappointed. I don't care how you do it, just do it!
Kirk: Somehow I can't picture Meryl Streep with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Lorelai: I can't believe you're mad that I'm paying you back.
Emily: I'm not mad, I just think it's extremely unkind of you to use this occasion to inform me you won't be coming over anymore.
Lorelai: I didn't say that.
Emily: This says that!
Lorelai: Mom, let me ask you something. Wouldn't you rather we came over here because we wanted to, not because of some threat you're holding over our heads?
Emily: Oh, and you would come here voluntarily?
Lorelai: I always said I would pay you back. This is not a surprise.
Emily: No, it certainly isn't.

Rory: They were throwing you a party, Mom.
Lorelai: Sorry, did I miss something? Did I dance around saying “nyah, nyah, nyah” when I gave her the check?
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Did, did I not thank her, genuinely thank her, for everything?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Did I not credit your getting into Yale with them giving us that money?
Rory: Yes, but...
Lorelai: Nuh-uh. No buts. Listen, Rory, I'm not sure if you're aware of how hard it has been for me these past three years to be indebted to my parents. I decided a long time ago that I was gonna live my life without their help, but I went to them and I took their money and I'm not sorry I did, it was the right thing for you, but I don't need their help anymore.
Rory: Fine, but you don't have to just throw it in their faces like that.
Lorelai: I paid back a loan. You're supposed to pay back a loan. I have Polonius and then entire banking system on my side.

Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: Rory, my relationship with my parents is very different from your relationship with them. You only know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily, and I only want you to know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily because they're your grandparents and they love you, but I have a different history with them and it was not all warm and it was definitely not all fuzzy. So do not judge me for repaying a loan that I always intended to repay, that I told them from the beginning I would repay, that I had to repay. I will not let them make me feel guilty for doing that and I will not let you make me feel guilty for doing that either.
Rory: I'm sorry.
Lorelai: It's okay.

Lorelai: The paint's chipped in the archway, and there's a board loose in the entryway. Ooh, and the chimney needs to be swept.
Rory: Mom.
Luke: What?
Rory: Luke cannot sweep our chimney.
Luke: Why not?
Rory: Because you need to be a chimney sweep to sweep a chimney.
Lorelai: Please. If Dick van Dyke can do it, so can Luke.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Are you telling me that you were sitting right next to this woman while she called me?
Richard: She is my secretary, Lorelai.
Lorelai: You were sitting right there?
Richard: This is the way a proper business is conducted.
Lorelai: Two feet from the phone?
Richard: I'm not going to argue with you.

Richard: [on the phone] Please, Lorelai, can you meet me tomorrow at three o'clock or not?
Lorelai: Fine, where?
Richard: I will have Karen call you tomorrow to confirm it and tell you the place.
Lorelai: Why can't you just tell me now?
Richard: Leave me just a semblance of my structure, please.
Lorelai: Fine. I'll talk to the woman sitting right next to you tomorrow.