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‘Keg! Max!’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Gilmore Girls: Keg! Max!

319. Keg! Max!

Aired April 29, 2003

Rory and Jess join Lane as she plays a house party with her band. As Lorelai gets the inn back up and running, she offers a room to Luke and his girlfriend Nicole.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: If I knew where Max was on all this, I would know better where I was. It's like when you go to a steak and lobster place, it's easier to know what you want once you know what your date wants. Like, you want steak if he's getting lobster, 'cause then you can share. Or if he's not, you can get surf and turf, though you risk looking like a pig, but some guys aren't turned on by a big appetite, and now I'm not just confused, I'm massively hungry.
Sookie: Me, too. Maybe lunch will take your mind off it a bit.

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Quote from Paris

Paris: Ladies, thank you for seeing me. I know you're busy with work and have families to get home to, so I really appreciate your courtesy, and I'll make it brief. Having Grad Night on a yacht is the worst idea since Neville Chamberlain told the people of England, "Hey, don't worry about Hitler. He's a stand-up chap." Forget the inconvenience of being at sea with guests unable to leave if the party is dull or if the band, which will inevitably be composed of accountants with semi-mullets, decides to do a half-hour tribute to Kenny G. The seasickness factor alone, abetted by snuck-in flasks and badly cooked food, could lead to an epidemic, which may lead to lawsuits the school could ill afford. These points conclusively call for a change in venue to a hotel ballroom, a restaurant facility, several of which I've already called. Here are the results of my research. I've also included a list of maritime disasters from the past fifty years - capsizings, onboard fires, et cetera - and trust me, it'll put you off your lunch. Thank you for your time and cooperation.

Quote from Lane

Lane: [on the phone] Hello, Mama? Hi, how are you doing tonight?... It's Lane. Yeah, Lane... Nothing's wrong. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now. Had a beer and a half, nice cold beer. And I just thought I'd tell you, I'm drumming in a band tonight at a party and we rocked. We were The Clash and Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana combined. And I'm in love with Dave Rygalski. He's my guy, not Young Chui. Young Chui's a ship in the night, Mama. Not even a ship, he's a little tugboat tooting along and I'm not gonna go to the prom with him, nuh-uh, I'm going with Dave, because we rock together, Mama. The charade is over.
Dave: What are you doing?
Lane: What I should've done months ago, Davey.
Dave: That was not your mother. Tell me that wasn't your mother.
Lane: Oh, that was the mother. I am liberated, my friend. [kisses Dave]
Dave: You're drunk.
Lane: No, I'm... Am I?
Dave: We're going on in five minutes. Can you even play?
Lane: Oh, I can hit the sticks on those brums.
Dave: Great, great, but what about the drums?

Quote from Sookie

Sookie: So... [gasps] Maybe you two never kissed.
Lorelai: Me and Max? Oh no, we kissed.
Sookie: Maybe it was an illusion.
Lorelai: It was not an illusion, Doug Henning. We kissed.
Sookie: Don't be so sure because something like this happened to me when I was like ten. I was so into Leif Garrett and I fantasized about kissing him so much that at some point, I really thought it happened.
Lorelai: I kissed Max, Sookie.
Sookie: I can still feel Leif's lips on mine.
Lorelai: I kissed him.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Okay, we're old and pathetic. How did it come to this?
Rory: Well, it's our first Friday night that we haven't had to go to Grandma and Grandpa's for dinner.
Lorelai: I cannot for the life of me remember what we did before we started doing those.
Rory: It feels like a million years ago.
Lorelai: Ooh, who are you calling?
Rory: It just feels weird for me not even to say hello to them on a Friday night.
Lorelai: No, don't call them.
Rory: Hey, this rift is between you and them. I'm still on friendly terms.
Lorelai: I know, it's just that they're probably sitting there eating alone, shivering in an unheated room, the only illumination a single light bulb just so they can make us feel spectacularly guilty at the thought.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: "Dear Ms. Gilmore, with your daughter's final days of Chilton fast approaching, yours are, too." Hm, not feeling the love here. Yadda, yadda, yadda. "The Booster Club could use your help. We would greatly appreciate - " Greatly's underlined three times. Trying to emphasize the word there. Got it, guys. Thanks. "- your involvement, especially in light of your previous paucity of participation." Ooh, they got me with alliteration and an obscure word.
Rory: The bastards.
Lorelai: I've been summoned to duty.
Rory: Sounds like it.
Lorelai: I feel like I should pack my rucksack, kiss my loved ones goodbye.

Quote from Lane

Brian: Hey Lane, how are you gonna play a party like this with your mom being so strict?
Lane: Easy. Rory and Jess are gonna deliver my drums to Kyle's house for me, then my friend Young Chui is going to pick me up to take me to a fictional Seventh Day Adventist bowling party that will conveniently last the length of our gig.

Quote from Michel

Michel: Did you know that Frank rescues Chow puppies?
Lorelai: Uh, no.
Michel: He feeds and houses them on his own dime 'til he finds an owner. We can't fire him. And they are so cute. [chuckles] Chin-Chin and Pau-Pau. Pau-Pau's the one with the squatty little nose. I took them both.
Lorelai: Oh, okay, good job.
Michel: I have to go buy dog food. Will you fire Frank for me?
Lorelai: Sure thing.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Boy, you are a sucky treasurer.
Lorelai: The job was forced on me.
Rory: Well, the cash box must've been short when you got it.
Lorelai: Or maybe a burglar broke in here. That could've happened.
Rory: A burglar who bypassed out TV, our stereo, and our jewelry and went straight for the Booster Club cash box and took eighteen dollars and left the rest?
Lorelai: Some burglars are less greedy than others.
Rory: Well, I'm out of answers.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: You're off to the party this early?
Rory: Jess and I are helping the band set up. I do the cymbals.
Lorelai: You're not taking your purse.
Rory: I'm not?
Lorelai: You don't need money, you don't need ID.
Rory: Where will I keep my house key?
Lorelai: You'll put your house key through the metal thingy on your belt. You'll only lose it if you take off your belt, and if you're taking off your belt for any reason at the party, I'm not sure I want you coming home.
Rory: Brilliant.

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