Lorelai: I mean, for example, why can't you keep a maid in this house? I mean, there must have been a thousand women who have gone through here in the 32 years that I've been alive. And not one of them could stick it out.
Emily: And this is what we need to discuss right now?
Lorelai: These are women from countries that have dictatorships, civil wars and death squads. All of that, they survived. But five minutes working for Emily Gilmore, and people are begging for Castro.
Emily: I'm going to bed now.
Lorelai: And why is it that when your only daughter tells you she is getting married you can't muster up even a little enthusiasm? Even a little fake enthusiasm? Why don't you pretend that you care? I mean, this is the biggest thing to happen to me, possibly for the rest of my life. And you dismissed it, like I said: "Hey, I'm thinking of getting a Honda. What do you think?"
Emily: You're obviously hysterical.
Lorelai: Why don't you care? Why have you never cared? No matter what has happened to me my entire life you've never been happy for me. And that hurts, Mom. It really hurts.
Emily: I'm not discussing this with you.
Lorelai: Do you know how it felt for me to tell you that I was getting married and to have you just brush it off like that? Do you know?
Emily: No, I don't- I don't know! Possibly very similar to finding out from a complete stranger that my only daughter was getting married and had told every other person in the world before she bothered to tell her own mother! Possibly it felt something like that. Now if you will excuse me, it is late and I am going to bed.

Rory: When are you going to tell them?
Lorelai: Soon.
Rory: When is soon?
Lorelai: When the big hand hits the 'S' and the little hand hits the 'oon'.

Luke: Something that's supposed to start nice. Two people promising each other: "I love you forever. I want to die when you die. My life meant nothing until you used my toothbrush." And then it starts.
Lorelai: Well, that's not exactly...
Luke: Who do you invite? Who sits where? Open bar? Yes or no?
Lorelai: Luke.
Luke: Auntie Juny doesn't eat chicken. Uncle Momo's off his meds.
Lorelai: Juny and Momo?
Luke: Just an example.
Lorelai: Of a retired circus couple?
Luke: And then after all that planning, the reception will still be a disaster. Because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads someone's getting drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and a chicken Kiev lands on the cake.
Lorelai: You know, the Gettysburg Address was only one page long, and that was about a war.
Luke: I just call them like I see them.

Lane: I'll be fast. Okay, here's my CDs, my posters, my books, three of my sweaters, and one Viva Glam lipstick. I need to leave them here while I'm in Korea because Mom is bound to search my room. And if she finds them, she'll throw them out and spend the summer praying for my soul.
Rory: I'll treat them like my own.
Lane: Okay. Now, this is the Lane Kim retrieval kit. It contains the phone number of my cousins in Korea, a map of the house I'll be staying at, a picture of me now and a mock-up of me in six months.
Rory: You lost some weight.
Lane: Now, this is that name of that guy at the American consulate and several Korean phrases written out phonetically. You know: "Help", "Have you seen this girl?", "Comes for money", et cetera.
Rory: Still no return date info from the parents?
Lane: Nope. But they did buy me a winter coat.

Lorelai: Hey, Mom. I was in the neighborhood because there's that wedding dress place on Willow. Elizabeth Taylor bought one of her dresses there. Anyway, I was trying to make a decision about a veil. And I thought maybe you might have an opinion about which one would look best on me 'cause you know me. So I thought I'd stop by and ask you which one you thought would be good. On me. So... which one?
Emily: You're quite capable of choosing that yourself, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I'm sorry.
Emily: All right, you're sorry.
Lorelai: I don't know how to tell you things, Mom. I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but we don't communicate very well. When something good happens to me, I'm just afraid you're going to make me feel bad about it. When something bad happens to me, I'm always afraid you'll say, "I told you so." I'm not sure if that's always fair. And I'm sure I share part of the blame for this circle we get into. But... You think your words don't have any effect on me. But they do. And... I just didn't want to feel bad about this. So I waited. And I really didn't mean to hurt you. I will let you get back to that letter there.
Emily: Your head is much too big for a veil. You might consider a tiara.
Lorelai: A tiara?
Emily: That's what I wore.
Lorelai: Okay. I'll think about that.

Rory: Are you okay?
Lorelai: I'm perfect.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: I have hit a level of perfection that's rarely seen outside the Victoria's Secret catalog.
Rory: I'm really sorry.
Lorelai: Do not be sorry. What happened tonight was inevitable. I should have known not to tell Mom.
Rory: You were trying to be nice.
Lorelai: Telling her I was getting married to a wonderful guy who will love me and make me happy. That, and giving her my address when I moved out. Two worst moves I ever made.

Paris: When you apply to an Ivy League school, you need more than good grades and test scores to get you in. Everyone who applies to Harvard has a perfect GPA and great test scores. It's the extras that put you over the top: The clubs, charities, volunteering. You know.
Rory: Oh, yeah. I know.
Paris: I started volunteering in fourth grade. I handed out cookies at the local children's hospital. By 10, I was leading my first study group. The youngest person in the group was 12.
Rory: Wow.
Paris: I've been a camp counselor, I organized a senior literacy program, I worked a suicide hot line, I manned a runaway center. I've adopted dolphins, taught sign language, trained Seeing Eye dogs.
Rory: But when did you have time for a life?
Paris: I'll have a life after I graduate from Harvard. And if you'll excuse me, the drainage on the south side of this place sucks.

Rory: I'm, like, 10 years behind on my extracurriculars.
Dean: What are you talking about?
Rory: Paris has been accumulating these things since she could walk. I mean, she's got a list of good deeds long enough to bump Mother Teresa off the Harvard list.

Paris: You don't want to go.
Rory: I'll see.
Paris: You don't. It's not you.
Rory: I have multiple personalities. It might be one of me.
Paris: It's hours of hammering, drilling, and dirt. It's horrible, you'll hate it.
Rory: How do you know? How do you know that I don't spend hours every week hammering and drilling? And dirt? I love dirt. I collect it.

Lorelai: "Tomorrow I'm going to build a house."
Rory: Help build a house.
Lorelai: Did you tell them there's a light bulb in your closet that burned out in '97 you still haven't changed?
Rory: It's for charity.
Lorelai: Don't those people have enough problems without having you as a contractor?
Rory: I'm sure there will be real construction workers there. I will be assisting and helping out those less fortunate than myself. I will be getting college credit, and this is the end of this conversation.
Lorelai: You're right, it's a good thing. Nice. Keeps your halo shiny.