Kirk: Excuse me, ma'am?
Miss Patty: Well, if it isn't Kirk the Jerk.
Kirk: I want to apologize for what happened at the store yesterday.
Miss Patty: I'm listening.
Kirk: I wasn't aware you were the Miss Patty. The owner tells me you're one of our best customers and that you can put anything in that mouth that you want. Those were his words. I... I could have paraphrased.
Miss Patty: Stop sweating and close your pores, Kirky. I always forgive.
Kirk: Thank you.
Miss Patty: Once.

Lorelai: Can I help you with something?
Babette: No. I thought I'd just get some of this stuff packed away.
Lorelai: Oh, it's like a scene from the kitty version of Valley of the Dolls.
Babette: Yeah, you never realize how old they actually are till you look in the medicine cabinet.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Babette: These were for her heartworms. For her thyroid, her kidneys for the rash she got from taking these and these were for the tics she developed from taking the stuff for the rash. And these are... Oh, geez, these are mine. Damn. I'm gonna miss that old broad.

Dean: Hey.
Rory: Jeez, you scared me.
Dean: Yeah, look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.
Rory: For what?
Dean: Well, I've been kind of bugging you lately. I thought- I don't know. I thought you maybe liked me, but it's obvious that you're not interested. So I just wanted to say that I get it. And, um, I'm not gonna bother you anymore. [walks away]
Rory: Wait! I am interested.
Dean: You are?
Rory: Yes. I got to go. [runs off]

Lorelai: That man on the porch was your teacher.
Rory: Mom, I'm a little behind in school but not so behind that I don't know who the teacher is.

Rory: How long have you been dating him?
Lorelai: I haven't. This was gonna be the first time.
Rory: And when were you planning to tell me? On your wedding?
Lorelai: No, by the rehearsal dinner at least.

Lorelai: Are you mad?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Right. Because I'm dating him?
Rory: Because you lied to me.
Lorelai: I kept information from you.
Rory: Information that I should have had.
Lorelai: Information that would've come out eventually like the Iran-Contra Scandal.
Rory: So you're Oliver North.
Lorelai: No, I'm Fawn Hall.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Well, she was much prettier.

Lorelai: From now on, every aspect of my life is an open book to you.
Rory: It's okay.
Lorelai: Really. I'm not even gonna get dressed until I tell you what I'm thinking of wearing.
Rory: Fair enough.
Lorelai: Okay. Tomorrow, I'm thinking the purple tiger top, the black leather skirt, the panda-bear underwear?
Rory: Oh, good.
Lorelai: But of course I'm totally open to suggestions.
Rory: Here's one: Get some help.

Emily: You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat funeral?
Lorelai: Not my cousin. My father's grandmother's sister's girl who I never...
Emily: You said you can't be away from the inn.
Lorelai: Well, I couldn't at the time, but I worked it out.
Emily: For a cat.
Lorelai: It's late. I have a big day tomorrow, Mom.
Emily: Oh, what? You're going to a raccoon's wedding?
Lorelai: Good night, Mother.

Lorelai: So, we never did quite settle the whole dating-your-teacher issue. I won't go out with him if you don't want me to.
Rory: You can go out with whoever you want.
Lorelai: It's whoever we want.
Rory: I'm certainly not gonna go out with him 'cause that'd be really weird.
Lorelai: But I mean it. I won't see him if you don't want me to. If there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, big or small then he's out of there.
Rory: Good to know.
Lorelai: Because, you know, it's not like I'm desperate. I mean, there are plenty of other guys out there.
Rory: Sure are.
Lorelai: And it's not like I have to ask your permission. I mean, this is a courtesy.
Rory: Okay. [exits]
Lorelai: Okay, so, I'm gonna be up for a while if you want to get back to me on this.
Rory: [o.s.] I know where you are. [comes out] Think you could keep him out late on Thursday night? I have this oral exam on Friday that I'd really love him to sleep through.
Lorelai: I'll do my best.

Emily: Oh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Claudia died.
Lorelai: Who?
Emily: Claudia, your cousin. Claudia.
Lorelai: I'm hearing the name, Mom. I have no idea who that is.
Emily: Claudia's your cousin, for all intents and purposes.
Lorelai: Oh, now we're getting to it.
Emily: She was your father's grandmother's sister's girl. So, to you, that would make her...
Lorelai: Nothing?
Emily: Regardless. Funeral's on Thursday. I thought we'd all go together.