Babette: Yeah, poor Morey couldn't make it. I made him drink 30 bottles of Coke last night for the game here, so he's still throwing up. And then I ended up not using 'em. Shame, huh? But I'll tell him you said "hi."

Babette: Jeez, Zach, what's with being all goose gossage? Zach, those aren't your bottles!
Zach: Yeah! Yeah! Welcome to the S.H., bitch!

Babette: Oh, Patty, did I tell you about Tilly's new face-lift? Scotch tape.

Babette: What are we looking at?
Lorelai: Oh, I-
Miss Patty: Oh, I know what we're looking at. We're looking at Luke and his daughter.
Lorelai: How did you know that?
Babette: Oh, please, that was page-one news around here for a week.

Babette: But this morning I came over here wide awake 'cause I heard Paul Anka doing that weird yodeling noise that you said he does when he's hungry, so I fed him.
Lorelai: Oh, good, thank you.
Babette: Yeah, I gave him a half a cup of that kibble that you said he likes, but then he looked at me like I stole something from him, so I gave him a whole cup.
Lorelai: Well, I know that look. It can be intimidating.
Babette: And since our washing machine is broken - Morey put his boots in it and broke it again - I thought I'd do a load of my intimates.
Lorelai: Good for you.

Babette: I heard about the fight between you and Luke.
Lorelai: You did?
Babette: Yeah. You know Adrian Bittenberg's daughter, Becky? She got a huge mouth.
Lorelai: Becky is not a gossip.
Babette: But she has a huge mouth. And she and Eileen Whitewin were behind Doose's market seeing how many devil dogs Becky could stuff in there, and when she got up to four, completely cut off her oxygen. So Eileen went running over to Luke's to see if she could get some help, and then she saw the two of you in the streets screaming at each other.
Lorelai: Well, I'm glad she had the presence of mind to listen in on our argument while her friend was choking to death.

Babette: I have it. It's the curtains!
Luke: Yeah, those curtains have always been here.
Babette: I know. I'm just saying you used to have more curtains.
Luke: No, I never had more curtains.

Taylor Doose: As those of you who take an interest in civic events may recall, three days ago a train derailed just east of town. Luckily, no one was injured. However, three and a half tons of pickles and pickle brine were scattered along the tracks. And due to some inevitable delays in cleanup, those pickles have been baking in the sun for three days.
Miss Patty: And you knew about this?
Gypsy: It's a cover-up.
Babette: We got picklegate!

Lorelai: Yeah. We were in Paris, and we eloped.
Babette: That's smart, eloping. Smart. Who needs the hassle of a real wedding, you know
Lorelai: Yeah.
Babette: Yeah. All the planning and the fuss, so much stress.
Christopher: Exactly.
Babette: Plus the dress. I mean, why would anyone want to buy a big, expensive wedding dress you could only wear once? Except for me. I got to wear mine twice. But once was for Halloween. I was the bride of Chucky.
Christopher: Oh, yeah? Did Morey go as Chucky?
Babette: Huh?! No, he was a futuristic pirate. So, welcome to Stars Hollow.

Babette: What about Morey's salty nuts?! How's he supposed to have his salty nuts booth if we don't have a lemonade booth? If people start eating salty nuts and they don't have easy access to lemonade, their mouths will fall off.