Chandler: What do I do? I wanna get past this. I don't want to be afraid of commitment.
I want to go through the tunnel to the other side.
Ross: Where there's no fear of commitment.
Chandler: Do we have any- Do we have any thoughts here?
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself because, as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car. But it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know. Face your fear. You have a fear of heights? You go to the top of the building. You're afraid of bugs. Get a bug. In this case, you have a fear of commitment. So I say you go in there and you be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: Amazingly, that makes sense.

Ross: Where's my boy? Where's my boy? Here's my boy. And here's his Barbie. What's my boy doing with a Barbie?
Carol: He picked it out at the store. He loves it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, like a security blanket. But with ski boots and a kicky beret.

Rachel: It's a critical time. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. If you want her back, you have got to start acting aloof.
Monica: She has to know you're not needy.
Rachel: So what you have to do is accidentally run into her on purpose and then act aloof.
Chandler: So I'm not gonna lose her?
Rachel: Oh, honey, you're not a total loser.
Chandler: I said, "So I'm not gonna lose her?"
Rachel: Oh.

Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?
Chandler: I'll tell you, I do enjoy guilt but it wasn't me.
Phoebe: Yes, it was. It was him. Okay, it was me.
Joey: How was it you?
Phoebe: Well, it was all so crazy, you know? Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to seven and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See? All of it.
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.

Monica: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I loved that movie.

Chandler: That's why I don't want to go tonight. I'm afraid I'll say something stupid.
Monica: You mean that "guy thing" where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you?
Joey: Hey, you know about that?

Rachel: You are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? [uses the Milkmaster 2000]

Rachel: What's the big deal. Why don't you want to see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took all my tomatoes.
Ross: And that's bad because you hate chicken piccata? You didn't want to share your tomatoes. Tomatoes are very important to you.
Chandler: No, it's like all of a sudden, we were this "couple." And this alarm started going off in my head. "Run for your life! Get out of the building!"

Phoebe: The off-Broadway-play people said that you were "pretty but dumb."
Joey: Oh.
Phoebe: Oh, no wait. I'm sorry. That's "pretty dumb."

Rachel: Huh. Well, that's funny. Ugly Naked Guy is still naked but his dog is wearing a sweater.