Phoebe: Hey, Rach, you want to hear the song I'm singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] I'm in the shower, And I'm writing a song, Stop me if you've heard it, My skin is soapy and my hair is wet, And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget.

Rachel: But, I mean, come on. You cannot do this to her. I have to do this to her?
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Lather, rinse, repeat, And lather, rinse, repeat, And lather, rinse, repeat, As needed.

Rachel: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine!
Terry: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?
Rachel: Of course I clean it. I mean, I will clean it. I mean, I will clean it.

Stephanie: [playing guitar and singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you?
Phoebe: No, no. I'm sorry, it's: [singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat-
Stephanie: Smelly cat, smelly cat-
Phoebe: Better! Much better. Good. And you know, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.
Stephanie: Yeah.
Phoebe: You want to try it again?
Stephanie: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Okay, there is no "top," all right? That's the beauty of "Smelly Cat." Why don't you just follow me?
Phoebe and Stephanie: [playing guitar and singing together] Smelly cat, smelly cat, What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, It's not your fault-
Phoebe: Okay, that's too much. Sorry.

Chandler: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
Joey: Well, that one has ducks on his T-shirt and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Or clowns. Oh, wait, wait. That one's definitely Ben! Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth!
Chandler: Hey, Ben! Remember us? Okay, the mole came off. What are we gonna do? What are gonna do?
Joey: We'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.
Chandler: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Joey: You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey: Heads.
Chandler: Heads, it is. We have to assign heads to something!
Joey: Right! Okay, okay. Ducks is heads because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

Ross: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Cranky Pants.
Chandler: You know, I once dated a Miss Cranky Pants. Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

Joey: You okay, Ross?
Ross: I don't know. What's in this pie?
Monica: I don't know. Butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi-
Ross: Kiwi? Kiwi?! You said it was a key lime pie.
Monica: No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
Ross: That's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.
Monica: No, you're not. You're allergic to lobster and peanuts and- Oh, my God!
Ross: It's definitely getting worse.
Monica: Is your tongue swelling up?
Ross: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller!

Ross: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to the hospital.
Joey: We'll watch him.
Ross: I don't think so.
Joey: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids.

Ross: Well, if you do take him out for a walk, remember to bring his hat. There's extra milk in the refrigerator and extra diapers in the bag.
Joey: Hat, milk. Got it.
Ross: [indistinct mumbling]
Joey: Consider it done.
Chandler: You understood that?
Joey: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
Chandler: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
[Joey nods]

Terry: Rachel, sweetheart, could I see you for a minute?
Rachel: What's up?
Terry: F.Y.I. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play here on Sundays afternoons. Her name is Stephanie something. She's supposed to be very good.
Rachel: But what about Phoebe?
Terry: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad. It's that she's so bad she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
Rachel: Okay, so you're not a fan.