Phoebe: Hello!
Mike: Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy.
Phoebe: [as Katharine Hepburn] Theodore, Bitsy. What a delight.
Bitsy: It's so nice to finally meet you.
Phoebe: And you. Your home is lovely.
Bitsy: Well, thank you. I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors.
Phoebe: Holy crap!

Mike: Did you just hit my dad?
Phoebe: Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met a boyfriend's parents before.
Mike: But, I mean, you have met humans before, right?

Mike: Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.
Phoebe: I had a great time. [as Katharine Hepburn] It was really top-drawer. And here's something rich. Thirteen bathrooms in this place, I threw up in the coat closet. Ta-ta!

Bitsy: Tell us a little bit about yourself. So where are you from?
Phoebe: Okay. Well, all right. Originally, I'm from upstate but then my mom killed herself, and my stepdad went to prison. So I moved to the city, where I actually lived in a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while. Which was okay. That was okay. Until I got hepatitis, you know because this pimp spit in my mouth and- But I got over it. And, anyway, now I'm a freelance massage therapist which, you know, isn't always steady money, but at least I don't pay taxes. [as Katharine Hepburn] So where does everyone summer?

Chandler: Do you have any ideas?
Joey: Yeah, this guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kind of cool, huh? Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus.
Monica: Joe, emus are birds. You raise them for meat.
Joey: Yeah, right. People eat birds. Bird meat. Now, do they just fly into your mouth? Or do you go in a restaurant and say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." Or maybe just a wing.

Bitsy: Please, darling, let's be honest. You can have all the sailor fun you want with that one. But let's be real.
Mike: All right, stop. All Phoebe has done is try and get you to like her. Maybe it's not clear but she did her best. And yeah, She's a little different than you are.
Bitsy: Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.
Mike: So what? I mean, if I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her, you just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you can't even be civil to the woman I love-
Bitsy: The woman you what?
Phoebe: Yeah, the woman you what?
Mike: The woman I love. I love you. Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents and Tom and Sue. Who are, by the way, the most sinfully boring people I've ever met in my life.

Rachel: You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way. Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr. Pinzer, I can see where Wallace gets his good looks."
Monica: You went out with Wallace Pinzer?
Rachel: He took the SATs for me.
Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400.
Rachel: Yeah, well, duh!

Phoebe: So now, what about with Mike's mom?
Rachel: Well, with the mother, just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. Take it from me.
Moms love me. Ross's mom one time actually said I am like the daughter that she never had.
Monica: She said what?
Phoebe: That she's like the daughter she never had. Listen.

Ross: And that's why, no matter what Mommy says we really were on a break. Yes, we were. Yes, we were.

Ross: Look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever. You're just a little-bitty baby, you know that? But you've got-You've got big, beautiful eyes. Yes, you do. And a- And a big, round belly.
Big baby butt. [chuckles] I like big butts. [rapping] I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get-
[Emma giggles]
Ross: Oh, my God, Emma. You're laughing. Oh, my God. You've never done that before, have you? You've never done that before. Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.