‘The One with Phoebe's Husband’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired October 12, 1995
The gang is surprised to learn that Phoebe is married to a gay Canadian ice dancer named Duncan. Monica worries Phoebe will fall in love with him again and be heartbroken when the love isn't returned.
When Ross turns to Rachel for advice about his relationship with Julie, she senses an opportunity to throw a spanner in the works. Meanwhile, Monica tells everyone about Chandler's third nipple and he reveals Joey's role in a porn film.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: So does it do anything, you know, special?
Chandler: Why, yes, Ross. Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Here I come. See, I'm coming to fix the copier. I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?" So I just watch them have sex. Then I say, wait, here's my line! "You know, that's bad for the paper tray."
Chandler: Nice work, my friend!
Joey: Wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am. There I am. There I am. There I am.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: I'm meeting Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden. He's in the Capades.
Joey: The lce Capades?
Chandler: No, the Gravel Capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls? Funny.
Quote from Rachel
Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Monica: Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of along the same lines as, say I don't know, having a third nipple!
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: You bitch.
Ross: Whip it out. Whip it out.
Chandler: No, there's nothing to see. It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
Rachel: Oh, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Quote from Joey
Chandler: Joey was in a porno movie. If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Ross: You were in a porno?!
Joey: All right, all right. I was young and I just wanted a job, okay? But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it. So they let me be the guy who fixes the copier but can't because there's people having sex on it.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Darn it, we're all out of milk. Chandler, will you fill me up here?
Chandler: Oh, I see, I see. Because of the third-nipple thing. [laughs then grumbles]
Quote from Phoebe
Duncan: I kind of need a divorce.
Phoebe: Oh ... 'kay. How come?
Duncan: Actually, I'm getting married again.
Phoebe: What?
Duncan: Oh, God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.
Phoebe: [gasps] I don't understand. How can you be straight? You're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties!
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: I don't know what to say. I mean, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him. And then one day he says, "Oh, I'm not gay."
Quote from Chandler
Julie: You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts, and women dance naked around you.
Chandler: Huh. Are any of these cultures, per chance, in the Tri-State area?
Quote from Joey
Joey: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.