‘The One with Phoebe's Husband’
Season 2, Episode 4 - Aired October 12, 1995
The gang is surprised to learn that Phoebe is married to a gay Canadian ice dancer named Duncan. Monica worries Phoebe will fall in love with him again and be heartbroken when the love isn't returned.
When Ross turns to Rachel for advice about his relationship with Julie, she senses an opportunity to throw a spanner in the works. Meanwhile, Monica tells everyone about Chandler's third nipple and he reveals Joey's role in a porn film.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Uh, Julie?
Julie: Yeah?
Chandler: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But it's gone now. You're all right.
Quote from Monica
Rachel: No. Come on, you guys! Come on, it's only 1 1 :30. Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore.
Monica: Rachel, that's all we do.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: No, I don't think it's weird. I think, in fact. ln fact, you know what I think?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think it's sexy.
Ross: Sexy?
Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
Ross: No kidding?
Rachel: You know what I'd do? I'd wait.
Ross: You'd wait?
Rachel: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. Then I'd wait some more.
Ross: Really?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. I don't care if she tells you she wants it, she begs, she pleads, she tells you she's gonna have sex with another man- That just means it's working.
Ross: Women really want this?
Rachel: More than jewelry.
Quote from Ross
Ross: I just wanted to thank you for our little talk before.
Rachel: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the waiting thing?
Ross: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Rachel: Good. Ahem. What did he say?
Ross: Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it. So I thought about what you said and about what he said. And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight.
Quote from Monica
Rachel: Great. People having sex. That's just what I need to see.
Ross: What's wrong with people having sex?
Rachel: Well, you know, these movies are offensive and degrading to women and females. And the lighting's always unflattering. And- Monica, help me out here.
Monica: Hell, I want to see Joey.
Quote from Ross
Chandler: Wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she'd better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Quote from Rachel
Julie: ...and my second-grade teacher was Miss Thomas and my first-grade teacher was Mrs.
Cobb.
Rachel: Mrs. Gobb?
Julie: No, Cobb. Like cobb salad.
Rachel: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
Chandler: I'm going home.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Mom, would you relax? That was 10 blocks from here, and the women was walking alone at night. I would never do that. Mom, come on, stop worrying. This is a safe street. This is a safe building. There's nothing- Oh, my God! [a pigeon flies in through the window] That's fine, you just read the paper. I'm gonna get a pot. It's not for you. Okay, that's fine. Read the Family Circus enjoy the gentle comedy. Oh, my God, my God, my God, my God.
Quote from Joey
Ross: So what's it shaped like?
Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
Joey: What happens if you flick it?
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Julie's so smart. Julie's so special.
Monica: Look, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now. You'll have to get over it.
Rachel: Oh, I'm going to have to get over it. See, I didn't know that's what I had to do. I just have to get over it.