‘The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant’
Season 2, Episode 5 - Aired October 19, 1995
With Monica planning a big birthday surprise for Ross's birthday, the group is split along income lines with Phoebe, Joey and Rachel fed up of being expected to chip in for expensive meals they can't afford. Meanwhile, Chandler meets a woman who called a wrong number, and Monica gets a promotion at work.
Quote from Phoebe
Chandler: Uh, while Ross is on the phone everybody owes me $62 from his birthday.
Phoebe: Is there any chance that you're rounding up from, you know, from like $20?
Quote from Ross
Ross: Okay, here is to my sister, the newly appointed head lunch chef.
Chandler: Who's also in charge of purchasing.
Ross: Newly appointed head lunch chef, who's also in charge of purchasing-
Monica: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.
Ross: Uh. Lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there- Here's to my little sister
Monica: Ooh, ooh. Wait. And I got a beeper!
Joey: Oh, cool.
Ross: That's fine, I'll just wait.
Monica: Oh, sorry.
Ross: ... Monica!
Quote from Chandler
Ross: Plus tip, divided by six. Okay, everyone owes 28 bucks.
Rachel: Everyone?
Ross: Oh! You're right, I'm sorry.
Joey: Thank you.
Ross: It's Monica's big night. She shouldn't pay.
Monica: Oh, thank you.
Ross: So five of us is 33.50 a piece.
Phoebe: No. Nuh-uh. No way. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Prom night flashback.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: Still doing the screening?
Chandler: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
Quote from Joey
Rachel: So, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?
Joey: Well, I guess I gotta start saving up for Ross' birthday. I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.
Quote from Rachel
Phoebe: Can you believe how much this is going to costs?
Rachel: Do you guys ever get the feeling that Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
Joey: Yes. It's like they're always saying let's go here, let's go there. Like we can afford to go here and there.
Phoebe: Yes, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know. It's not like we say anything about it, because this is a birthday thing and it's "for Ross."
Joey: For Ross.
Rachel: For Ross.
Quote from Joey
Monica: Oh, my God! Okay, I'm at work. It's an ordinary day, you know, chop, chop, chop, saute, saute, saute. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. Turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job?
Joey: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
Monica: Fortunately, it is me.
Quote from Rachel
Waiter: Are we ready to order?
Rachel: Oh we haven't even looked yet.
Waiter: Well, when you do, let me know. I'll be over there on the edge of my seat.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: We three feel like that, um, sometimes you guys don't get that- Ahem, we don't have as much money as you.
Monica: [awkwardly] Okay.
Ross: [awkwardly] I hear you.
Chandler: [writhing with discomfort] We can talk about that.
Quote from Ross
Chandler: So how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
Joey: Because it's always something, you know? Like with Monica's new job or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
Ross: What? Hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative- There's gonna be a hoopla?
Rachel: Basically there's the thing, and then the stuff after the thing and it's-
Monica: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing and we'll just do the gift.
Ross: Gift? Gift? The thing's not the gift?
Chandler: No, the thing was we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
Ross: Hootie and the- Oh my. Oh my. I can catch them on the radio.