‘The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant’
Season 2, Episode 5 - Aired October 19, 1995
With Monica planning a big birthday surprise for Ross's birthday, the group is split along income lines with Phoebe, Joey and Rachel fed up of being expected to chip in for expensive meals they can't afford. Meanwhile, Chandler meets a woman who called a wrong number, and Monica gets a promotion at work.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Gee, Monica. What's in the bag?
Monica: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like a skit.
Monica: Why, it's dinner for six. Five steaks and an eggplant for Phoebe. We switched meat suppliers at work, and they gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you.
Ross: But wait, there's more. Chandler, what is in that envelope?
Chandler: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky out in the hall.
Quote from Phoebe
Chandler: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! [silence] The Blowfish!
Monica: It's on us, all right. So don't worry. This is our treat.
Phoebe: So ... thank you.
Ross: Could you be less enthused?
Joey: Look, it's a nice gesture. It is. But it just feels like.
Monica: Like?
Joey: Charity.
Monica: Charity?
Ross: We're just trying to do a nice thing here.
Rachel: Yes. But Ross, you have to understand, your "nice thing" makes us feel about this big.
Phoebe: Actually, it makes us feel that big.
Quote from Monica
Monica: [leaving the apartment] All right, we're gonna go. [returning] It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: Chandler, are you ready?
Chandler: Yes, yes. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
Ross: Whoa, whoa. What? You had sex today?
Chandler: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome. Okay, she was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
Ross: Wow.
Chandler: Okay, I know it's been a while, but I took that as a good sign.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Hey, don't blame us. You could've been there.
Rachel: Oh, what? As part of your "poor friends outreach program"?
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Whoa. Did anybody feel like they just gave birth to an alien?
Ross and Monica: [emphatically] Yeah!
Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey: [weakly] No.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just, like, sitting at home, just trying to guess Joey's fingers and you guys are out partying and having fun and all: "Hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck!"
Quote from Chandler
Ross: Well, maybe we should stay for one song.
Chandler: Yeah, well, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.