Erica: Well, if there's anything else you want to know?
Chandler: Oh, uh, okay. Um. Do you mind if I ask you some questions about the father?
Erica: Oh, sure, yeah. Well, he was my high school boyfriend, captain of the football team, really cute. And he got a scholarship and went off to college.
Chandler: That's great.
Erica: Yeah, it's almost definitely him.
Monica: How's that now?
Erica: Well, there's a chance it's another guy. I mean, I've only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to the college, too?
Erica: No, he's in prison.
Chandler: Oh.
Monica: Well, um, was he falsely accused of something?
Erica: No. He killed his father with a shovel. But other than that he's a great guy.
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.

Monica: Are you awake?
Chandler: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake.
Monica: All right, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
Chandler: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel killer.
Monica: Well, all right, let's say it is him. Would we not want baby? No. Would we treat him any differently?
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him. We have to find out which one the father is.
Monica: How?
Chandler: I don't know. They have tests for these things, right?
Monica: Yeah, but maybe we're just overreacting.
Chandler: Easy for you to say. He's a father killer. He probably loves his mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "Mom" on the shovel wielding arm.

Man on Recording: We'll now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
Joey: "Eh, Bleu, Blah, Floo, Flank".
Man on Recording: Good job.
Joey: Thank you.

Joey: Oh, well I think I am, yeah. And I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
Phoebe: How could you possibly think that?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job.

Chandler: So, is she gonna take the test?
Monica: No, she doesn't have to. I found out who the father is.
Chandler: Oh, God, it's Shovely Joe, isn't it?
Monica: No, it's not.
Chandler: How do you know?
Monica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in sex ed class. Because the thing she did with that prison guy would be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Chandler: Oh, God. What was it? The thing we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
Monica: The thing we never do.
Chandler: Shovely Joe.

Rachel: Ross-
Ross: Yes.
Rachel: Just so you know, with us, it's never off the table.
Ross: Damn it, it's never off the table.

Ross: Do you guys know where Rachel is?
Monica: No, we haven't seen her since this morning.
Ross: I don't believe it. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma.
Monica: Hey. These are for Erica.
Ross: Well, is she gonna eat all those cookies?
Monica: Well, I want the baby to come out all cute and fat.

Chandler: Hey. Why are you wearing my apron?
Monica: I'm making cookies for Erica. Oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon. Her plane comes in in about an hour.
Chandler: Oh hey, when she gets here, is it okay if I introduce you two as my wife and the woman who's carrying my child? No? Divorce?

Ross: I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.
Rachel: Oh, I really could.

Erica: It's really nice to meet you guys. I can't believe I'm here.
Joey: Well, welcome to NYC, or should I say "Je des floof New York City."
Chandler: Why would you say that?