‘The One Where Joey Speaks French’
Season 10, Episode 13 - Aired February 19, 2004
Phoebe attempts to teach Joey how to speak French for a part in a play. Meanwhile, Ross takes care of Rachel when her father has a heart attack, and Monica and Chandler show Erica around New York and worry about the identity of their baby's father.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: How is the honeymoon?
Phoebe: Oh, incredible. Oh, champagne, candle lit dinners and moonlight walks on the beach. It was so romantic.
Chandler: So, where's Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, he's at the doctor's. He didn't poop the whole time we were there.
Quote from Ross
Joey: Well, anyway, I'm glad you're back. I really need your help.
Phoebe: Oh, why? What's up?
Joey: Well, I have an audition for this play and for some of them would have to speak French, which according to my resume, I'm fluent in.
Ross: Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume.
Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
Ross: It was okay.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: I did not know you spoke French.
Phoebe: Oui, bien sur je parle Français. Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors? [Yes, of course I speak French, What did you think?]
Rachel: Oh, you're so sexy.
Joey: Well, so will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Phoebe: Sure. Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami. [The pleasure is all mine, my friend]
Rachel: Seriously, stop or I'm gonna jump on you.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: So why is Erica coming to visit?
Monica: Well, because we want to get to know her better and because she's never been to NY, so she wants to see all the tourist spots. You know, the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building...
Chandler: Oh, those places. There's always so many people and they're being corralled like cattle. And, you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Moo".
Monica: Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Oh hi, thanks for showing up 30 minutes late.
Rachel: Ross-
Ross: No, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse. What, was it a hair appointment? A mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
Rachel: My father had a heart attack ... while I was at Barney's.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Oh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Quote from Dr. Green
Ross: Uh, did the TV wake you?
Dr. Green: No. When you put your feet up on my bed, you tucked on my catheter.
Ross: Ouchy.
Quote from Joey
Phoebe: Okay, it's too hard. I can't teach you. I have to go before pull your head through a wall.
Joey: No, no. Don't go, I need you. My audition is tomorrow. "Je bleu blah. Mi la pee. O blah. Poo."
Quote from Ross
Ross: Wow.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Rachel: What do you mean? You have been in my room before.
Ross: [scoffs] Yeah, sure, right. Like I'd ever be in Rachel Green's room.
Rachel: Okay, I gotta tell you, it's really weird when you use my whole name.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable. And I just don't feel it would be right. I feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
Rachel: What? Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage. Enjoy.
Ross: Okay, I'm sure it would be great. But I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so I'm gonna go.
Rachel: Wow. Okay.
Ross: I'll see you in the morning.
Rachel: Mm-hmm.
Ross: Haven't had sex in 4 months. I should get a medal for that!