Mr. Omar: So, uh, what can I do for you?
Julius: I need to pick-up Chris at school and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on Drew and Tonya till I get back?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mr. Omar had another back to keep an eye on.
Mr. Omar: Can't you get somebody else, man?
Julius: I really need your help. All you got to do is check on them. They'll be easy, I promise.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Speaking of easy...
Mr. Omar: I don't know, man.
Julius: I'll take ten dollars off the rent.
Mr. Omar: I'll be down in a minute.
Julius: Thank you.

Principal Edwards: Any questions? [Chris raises his hand] Anyone? Yes, Chris?
Chris: I'm the only one in the entire city that's in school. So, why should I have to learn when everybody else is sitting on their couch watching The Price Is Right?
Principal Edwards: Chris, the true measure of a man is not what he does when he is being watched. It's what he does when he is alone.
Chris: Technically, this isn't a real school day. If you haven't noticed, I'm not supposed to be here. So why should I take classes?
Principal Edwards: All right. Do whatever you want.
Chris: So you're saying that if I get up and walk out of that door, you won't do anything to stop me?
Principal Edwards: No.
Chris: Goodbye.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] As I was storming out, the storm outside was picking up. I haven't seen a sea of white like this since the Republican National Convention.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was pushing her luck, Mr. Omar was trying to pull a fast one.
Mr. Omar: Hey, I got peanut butter and jelly, fried bologna and mustard, Kool-Aid and chips.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The homeless shelter special.
Mr. Omar: Anything else?
Tonya: I thought you were supposed to be staying with us.
Mr. Omar: No, I told you father I would check on y'all. So I'm checking on you. You okay?
Drew: Yeah.
Mr. Omar: All right, so I'll be back to check on you again.
Tonya: Mr. Omar? Can you make me some hot chocolate?
Mr. Omar: [sighs] Okay. Hot chocolate it is.
Drew: Oh, Mr. Omar? Could you please make me some cheese toast?
Mr. Omar: Cheese toast and hot chocolate. Okay, great.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Mr. Omar was stuck babysitting, my father was just plain stuck.
Julius: Should've bought those snow tires.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was willing to brave the elements to save his son, but to save money, he bought the cheapest tires known to man. He's the only Black out in a whiteout.

Rochelle: Look here, if you're gonna keep talking about getting shot, you need to sit over there somewhere.
Luther: I'm sorry. I figured I didn't have much to lose.
Rochelle: Why?
Luther: Yesterday was my 61st birthday and nobody in my family called. I was headed to the Brooklyn Bridge to jump off.
Rochelle: You were gonna jump off a bridge 'cause you didn't get a phone call? No wonder they didn't call you. You're selfish. A 61-year-old man gonna jump off a bridge 'cause he didn't get a phone call. I wouldn't call you either. It's too much pressure.
Luther: You don't know anything about me.
Rochelle: I know you're too damn old to be jumping off bridges.
Luther: Well, it's none of your business anyway.
Rochelle: Wait a minute, you're the one standing up talking 'bout, "Don't shoot her, shoot me."
Luther: Well, then why didn't you let him shoot me?
Rochelle: I'm not gonna have people thinking you saved my life. You ain't nothing but a big baby. Eh, Scarface, whatever you do, don't shoot him.
Man: Oh, could you shoot me, please? It's the only way my boss is gonna believe this.

Chris: Hey, you know, that's a cool vase.
Principal Edwards: That's three centuries old.
Chris: Wow. So what do all those markings mean?
Principal Edwards: They represent honor.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They did until Paris Hilton tattooed them on her ass.

Rochelle: Girl, what you crying about? All he said was, "Be quiet."
Cassandra: It's not that. I just broke up with my fiance.
Gunman: This ring looks pretty cheap.
Cassandra: It is cheap.
Luther: So that's why you broke up with him? 'Cause he doesn't have any money?
Cassandra: No, I broke up with him because I want him to get a job, but thinks he's going to be a movie director.
Rochelle: Well, at least he ain't out robbing trains.
Cassandra: And get this, he took my credit card to make his last film.
Rochelle: Now how you gonna make a movie on a credit card?
Man: What's Mr. Movie Director's name?
Cassandra: Shelton. [all laugh]
Rochelle: Now, how you gonna be a movie director with a name like Shelton?
Cassandra: His friends call him Spike.
Rochelle: Oh, girl, that's worse. Trust me. You can do better than a Black man named Spike.
Luther: Try and find a guy with a nice name, like, like, like Orenthal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She later became the first Black girl in history to be glad she wasn't White.

Mrs. Booker: Omar, can I talk to you a second?
Mr. Omar: Oh, be right back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Monopoly wasn't all he was losing.
Mrs. Booker: How much longer are you going to be down here?
Mr. Omar: Well, the way Drew's playing, not much longer. He got me for $2,000.
Mrs. Booker: I didn't come here to hear you talk about Monopoly.
Drew: Mr. Omar, it's your turn.
Mr. Omar: Here I come. [to Mrs. Booker] Look, I told Mr. Julius I would watch the kids and that's what I'm gonna do. I'm sorry.
Mrs. Booker: You watching the kids? I'm going home.
Mr. Omar: You'd better take those pumps off and put on some snow shoes or you ain't gonna make it.

Rochelle: Excuse me, uh, Scarface. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother never talked to anyone for just a minute.
Rochelle: Now, are you sure you want to do this?
Gunman: What difference does it make to you?
Rochelle: Didn't your mother teach you better than to go around robbing people?
Gunman: She's the one who taught me how to rob people.
Rochelle: Well, if I was your mother, I would've knocked the rob out of you a long time ago.
Luther: Listen to her. She's a good person.
Rochelle: Hear that?
Luther: I just wish I'd met her before I got my wife's sister pregnant.
Man: You got your wife's sister pregnant?
Luther: Uh, just once.
Rochelle: All I'm saying is, is that you're better than this. And at least your son and your nephew ain't the same person.
Gunman: Thank you, Rochelle. [returns her wallet]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was on the road, Drew and Tonya were on the couch.
Rochelle: Okay, come on, y'all, let's go.
Weatherman: [on TV] ...and St. Seraphim Elementary. In Bedford Stuyvesant, latest school closings include Linville Elementary, Lamont Sanford Junior High, and Dolemite Elementary.
Drew: Oh, yes! School is closed!
Tonya: Yes!
Drew: [sings] We're staying home from school. We're staying home from school.