Adult Chris: [v.o.] Kill Moves and his mother taught me a valuable lesson. No matter what you celebrate, the holidays should be spent with people you love.
Jerome: Thanks for that two grand, 'lil dude.
Chris: What two grand?
Jerome: It was in that Christmas card you gave me. [chuckles]
Chris: What?
Jerome: Yeah. In the spirit of Christmas, I'm-a give you a dollar. You got change for a hundred?

Ms. Morello: Chris, what are you gonna do?
Chris: I don't know. Maybe work at a soup kitchen.
Ms. Morello: Oh, that's so nice.
Chris: Oh, but the only thing is I don't think there's one in my neighborhood.
Ms. Morello: Oh, yes, there is. [whispers] And could you give this back to Robert, the manager? He dropped it in... sixth period study hall.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sure he did.

Manny: What's wrong, Julius?
Julius: Man, those papers are heavy this time of year. Kills my back.
Manny: What's going on for the holidays?
Julius: Not much. I didn't get my Christmas bonus. It's gonna be tight.
Manny: It's tight, all right, man. I ain't got this year, man. I'm not buying no gifts, I'm not buying no cards. I'm not even calling nobody, man. Everybody getting the same gift from me this year... hope. Hope I buy them something.
Julius: Thanks, Manny Have a good one, man.
Manny: Good luck, man.

Kill Moves: So what kinds of things does your mother like?
Chris: I don't know, but if it was your mother, what would you get her?
Kill Moves: Diamonds and a White man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Good choice.
Chris: Okay, I don't think we can buy that. But maybe chocolates?
Kill Moves: Oh, sounds good.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Tonya wouldn't speak about Kwanzaa, Drew was ready to start speaking Swahili.
Drew: The first principle of Kwanzaa is umoja; unity. That means us Black people gotta stick together.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Well, that's it for Kwanzaa.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The hard thing about Kwanzaa was that everybody else was celebrating Christmas. Even if you stayed in the house, you couldn't escape it.
Greg: Merry Christmas Eve.
Rochelle: Hi, Greg. Uh, uh, come on in. Chris, Greg is here!
Greg: I brought you a Christmas gift.
Rochelle: Thank you. You didn't have to.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Trivia fact: those are his real ears.
Chris: You didn't tell me you'd be working as one of Santa's elves this year.
Greg: I'm not.
Chris: Oh.

Greg: So where's your Christmas tree?
Chris: We're celebrating Kwanzaa this year.
Rochelle: Happy Kwanzaa.
Greg: Harambee!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] God bless you.
Greg: Oh, beets! These are my favorite! Lots of vitamin A. This was on my list.
Chris: So what are you doing today?
Greg: Well, I got to be back at the North Pole by 11:00. But other than that, nothing.
Chris: Good, 'cause I need your help.

Doc: I love Kwanzaa. Doesn't Interfere with Christmas and it's a good way to bring the family together. You know, Christmas is too materialistic.
Tonya: Yeah, well, my mom made this for you.
Doc: Ooh. Well, tell your mama I said thank you. You know, I did a little jail time with the guy who invented Kwanzaa.
Tonya: Really?
Doc: Yeah! I won a hat just like this from him in a card game. He was a good guy. If he hadn't committed that felonious assault, Kwanzaa would have caught on, been big.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, it wouldn't.

Kill Moves: That's my CIA card from the Bay of Pigs invasion. An address book. A piggy bank from the 1964 World's Fair.
Chris: Wait, what you just say?
Kill Moves: [loudly] A piggy bank from the 19...
Greg: No, no, you said this is an address book.
Chris: Mom. Kathleen Devereaux. 551 East 63 Street.
Greg: Dude, that's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Do you know what kind of people live there?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] White people and Spike Lee.

Vanessa: Stop moving around so much.
Kill Moves: Take it easy. I'm tender-headed. Ow!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After 15 bottles of shampoo and a Silkwood shower, our job was complete.
Vanessa: You're done.
Kill Moves: Ooh-ee. I look like a young Cleavon Little.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] More like an old Clifton Davis.
Chris: How much?
Pam: Nothing. Just consider it a Christmas gift.
Vanessa: Hey, Slick, if you wasn't a psychotic, homeless bum I'd go out with you.
Kill Moves: [chuckles] Get in line, sister. Get in line.