Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since there was no "Kwanzaa Eve" celebration for my family, Christmas Day turned into just another Wednesday.
Drew: Aren't there any Kwanzaa shows on?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah. The Bob Hope Kwanzaa Special.
Rochelle: Everything is about Christmas.
Julius: Our ancestors played games and told stories.
Rochelle: Because our ancestors didn't have TV.
Drew: See, that's Kwanzaa's second principle, Kujichagulia-- self-determination.
Rochelle: Kuji-what?
Julius: We define ourselves. We don't need The Man telling us what to watch.

Mr. Omar: Merry Christmas, everybody! Let the yuletide ring!
Rochelle: What is all this?
Mr. Omar: Oh, the Widows' Choir of Bed-Stuy.
Rochelle: Hey, y'all.
All: Hi.
Mr. Omar: What's wrong with y'all? You look like the Grinch stole your Christmas.
Julius: We're not celebrating Christmas this year. We're celebrating Kwanzaa.
Drew: Yeah, we're tired of being consumed by this capitalistic nation's mindless consumerism.
Mr. Omar: Tragic. Well, you won't be needing this, then. Come on, ladies! Let's go and celebrate some Christmas cheer.

Kathleen Devereaux: And who are you?
Chris: Oh, I'm Chris.
Kathleen Devereaux: Welcome to my home, Chris.
Chris: Wow. Looks like a department store.
Kathleen Devereaux: Yeah, well, this is my favorite time of year.
Kill Moves: I bought you a Christmas present.
Kathleen Devereaux: Hmm. A watch. And... Turtles. Where did you find Turtles?!
Chris: At the corner store. Didn't you see the Rolex?
Kathleen Devereaux: I have eight Rolexes, but I haven't had a Turtle since I was a girl. This is very sweet of you.
Kill Moves: Thanks, Mom.
Kathleen Devereaux: Well, why don't you put your coat down? Edgar, why don't you play something for us on the piano? I want to talk to Chris for a little while.

Julius: Rochelle. What's wrong?
Rochelle: This is the just worst holiday ever. Chris isn't home, Tonya's stealing and Drew claims he's never gonna talk to White people again.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, Drew married a White woman... but every Christmas, he ignores her.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The holiday break was my favorite time of the year. Two weeks of complete freedom from school. No assignments and no homework.
Ms. Morello: This year, my holiday gift to you is a homework assignment. [kids groan]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm glad I didn't get her anything.
Ms. Morello: Don't fret. This will be fun. Your assignment is to help someone in need and give back to your community.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm on vacation. Call Oprah.

Greg: Oh, I'm gonna do what I do every Christmas at the old folks' home.
Chris: What's that?
Greg: Pose for pictures dressed as baby Jesus.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I posed for pictures as big baby Jesus. R.I.P., ODB.

Robert: Thanks, man. Come get some soup?
Chris: Oh, no. Actually, I'm here to volunteer.
Robert: I got plenty of volunteers. This time of year, everybody wants to give back.
Chris: But I'm doing this for a school assignment. You got any suggestions?
Robert: I don't know, man. White people take all the volunteer jobs at the soup kitchen.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If they really wanted to help the hungry, they'd volunteer at the meat kitchen.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Christmas was my mother's favorite time of year. She loved the food. And she loved the decorations. My father, on the other hand, hated Christmas. He hated the food.
Rochelle: I need to go grocery shopping. [Julius reluctantly gives Rochelle some cash]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And he hated the decorations.
Rochelle: We need decorations. [Julius reluctantly gives Rochelle some cash]

Rochelle: Julius, can I ask you a question?
Julius: Shoot.
Rochelle: Are you doing Kwanzaa 'cause it's cheap?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes!
Julius: No.
Rochelle: Are you sure?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No.
Julius: Positive. I mean, we don't want our kids growing up thinking holidays are all about buying, buying, buying. There's more to life than just running to the toy store.
Rochelle: Okay. Mm... [kisses Julius] Happy Kwanzaa.

Chris: Good. So you got any money?
Kill Moves: Uh... just this.
Chris: It's a bunch of money in here! Where'd you get all this?
Kill Moves: In here.
Chris: Okay. Well, let's go get something for you mother.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What crazy see, crazy do.