Tonya: Drew made my barrette disappear.
Rochelle: Drew, give your sister her barrette back.
Drew: All right. [holds up his empty hand, places it behind Tonya's head and removes the barrette]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Damn, he is good. [Tonya feels the side of her face] She's making sure he didn't take her ears.

Salesman #3: Not gonna have any more in for at least another eight weeks.
Chris: But I need turntables by Saturday.
Salesman #3: Let me show you something. You got a big party going on or something? How about these?
Chris: That's all you got?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I can only imagine what kind of people would come to that party.
[fantasy: as Chris DJs, James Brown's "The Payback" is playing on the record player:]
Chris: Say, "Hey!"
Old People: Hey!
Chris: Say, "Oh!"
Old People: Oh!
Chris: Now scream!
Old People: [scream]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's not what they mean by old school.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now I know why he always rooted for Elmer Fudd to kill Bugs Bunny.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back before people got ripped off by strangers on eBay, you got ripped off face-to-face at the pawn shop.
Abe Himmelfarb: You are lucky. These are the last two in the city. They just came in.
Chris: All right, well, how much?
Abe Himmelfarb: Uh, $200 for the pair.
Chris: $200? I won't have enough for albums.
Abe Himmelfarb: Well, you could buy $200 worth of records and then spin them on your fingers.
Chris: All right. Wait a minute. This one's missing a stylus.
Abe Himmelfarb: Oh, I didn't see that. Okay, I'll knock off 20 bucks. And I'll throw in The Art of the DJ.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The first and last issue.

Chris: So, you gonna throw in the stylus?
Abe Himmelfarb: 30 bucks.
Chris: 30 bucks? You just got it for 15.
Abe Himmelfarb: This is America. Supply, demand.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I usually got robbed like this in alleys.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Being a DJ was all about your tools. If your tools were professional, you were professional. And first on the list?
Chris: A pair of Technics 1200s.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Check.
Chris: Mixer?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No.
Chris: Pair of professional headphones?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No.
Chris: Kangol?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, no.
Chris: Shell toe Adidas?
Adult Chris: Nada. Looks like my hopes and dreams are about to get crushed by the wheels of steel.

Chris: Hey, Abe.
Abe Himmelfarb: That's a lot of stuff. What do you need?
Chris: I need a pair of professional headphones, a mixer, shell-toe Adidas and a Kangol.
Abe Himmelfarb: If you got all that, you're going to need one of these.
Chris: A gold chain?
Abe Himmelfarb: Well, it's not real gold but it's a real chain.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I hope I could skip town before my mother hears this record skipping.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] For the first time in my life I was going to be a DJ. I felt like nothing could stop me, unless I put a sign over my head.
[fantasy: Chris DJs at a club as James Brown's "The Big Payback" plays]
Chris: Throw your hands in the air. Wave them like you just don't care. If you love DJ Chrissy Chris, everybody say "Oh, yeah!"
All: Oh, yeah!
Police Officer: Hey. We're looking for DJ Chrissy Chris!

Greg: You scratched your mom's copy of "The Payback"?
Chris: I was trying to mix it.
Greg: I don't get it. It's already a good song. Why do you need to do anything to it?
Chris: Because a DJ needs to rock the party.
Greg: You realize I have no idea what you're talking about, right?
Chris: Yeah, I know.
Greg: So did you tell your mom?
Chris: No, I'm just going to buy her a new copy.
Greg: Well, what if she wants to listen to it before then?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If that happened, I would have to keep her entertained the best way I knew how.
[fantasy: Chris and a band sing James Brown's "The Payback" in the apartment]