Sam: Come on, come on. What do you say we show this Frank guy there's another bar in town?
Norm: Do we really want to let ourselves in for that kind of humiliation again?
Sam: Sure!
Cliff: Oh, no, no, Sam, I think Normie's right. I mean, if there's one thing Gary taught us it's that we're nothing but a bunch of losers.
Woody: Yeah, but the new guys don't know that.
Sam: Well, let's show 'em, huh?
Woody: Yeah!

Rebecca: Lilith, look at me! Isn't this exciting?
Lilith: Yes. Every so often people need to recreate themselves. And frequently the metamorphosis has very positive results. You should've seen what I looked like back in my college days. Bowwow!

Paul: So, Rebecca, you're having a makeover, huh?
Rebecca: Yes.
Paul: You know, uh, I don't understand. I mean, if there was ever a person who didn't need a makeover, it's you. I think you're perfect just the way you are.
Rebecca: Oh, well, thank you, Paul.
Paul: Boobs, too, or just the face?
Rebecca: Just the face.
Paul: Eh.

Police Officer: No, no, you don't understand. His full name is Frank "The Angel of Death" Carpaccio. This guy's associated with some very bad individuals.
Sam: You're kidding me!
Police Officer: I'm afraid not.
Sam: Oh, my God! We just teepeed a mob bar.
Police Officer: If you want, Mr. Malone, I suppose you can press charges. Of course, I saw some pictures of people who pressed charges against Mr. Carpaccio and his associates on different occasions. It turned my stomach.
Carla: Wait'll you get next month's Redbook.

Carla: l- l- l get this, I get this. You mean, we go over to Gary's crying like babies, and Gary jumps out of the wall laughing his head off.
Sam: How many times does Gary have to make us look like jerks before we wise up, huh?
Woody: Well, you know, there's some things you just can't put a number on.

Sam: I got an idea. Why don't we just play along with this, huh? Why don't we go over there and, uh, "apologize?"
Norm: Yeah, I see what you mean. We apologize to him.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Yeah, that's right, apologize in a big way.
All: Yeah.
Cliff: Apologize like he's never been apologized to before.
All: Yeah.
Woody: This is great. What are we doing?
Sam: I'll explain it to you later, Woody.
Woody: Yeah, well, uh, can we keep talking in these voices? Hey, Mr. Krapence, tell Miss Howe we'll be back after a while.

Sam: Oh, Gary went all the way, didn't he? Look at that guy. Dark shirt, shiny suit, jewelry.
Carla: If you want to get a girl, you got to know how to dress.
Sam: Uh, fellas? Excuse me, uh, Mr. Carpaccio?
Frank Carpaccio: Yeah, what is it?
Sam: My name's Sam Malone, sir. We're from Cheers.
Frank Carpaccio: Oh, yeah. You're a bunch of funny guys over there, aren't you?
Sam: Uh, yeah, about that, sir, we're here to apologize.
Frank Carpaccio: You are?
Sam: Oh, yes, sir, you see, uh, we had this kind of friendly rivalry with the previous owner, Gary, and, you know, we just thought we'd try to start a little something with you, that's all. We didn't mean any harm by it.
Frank Carpaccio: Well, Mr. Malone, I appreciate your coming down here to tell me this. Shows you got respect. I didn't scare you too much, did l? [laughs]
Cliff: Yes, sir, you know, it'll take much more than an exploding door to, uh, scare off Clifford Clavin.
Woody: Well, what about that clown at the car wash?
Cliff: I'm a little bit frightened of clowns, okay? It's normal.

Agent Carmichael: Excuse me, are you Sam Malone?
Sam: Yeah, what can I do for you?
Inspector Hanson: I'm Inspector Hanson.
Agent Carmichael: Agent Carmichael, FBI. We have some business with you regarding a Frank Carpaccio.
Sam: Oh, man, Gary doesn't give up, does he? [laughs] How do we, uh, know you gentlemen are from the FBI, huh?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. That's the real McCoy, all right, Sammy. It's not like the one I got down at the mall.
Agent Carmichael: We've been conducting an investigation into the activities of Mr. Carpaccio, also known as "The Angel of Death."
Sam: Well, wait a minute. What are you telling me? Are you telling me this guy's a legitimate criminal?
Agent Carmichael: I've spent five years in court trying to prove that. Only every time I get close, my star witness ends up in some warehouse dangling from a meat hook.
Frasier: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm wasting precious vacation time.

Agent Carmichael: Anyway, yesterday evening, we made a recording of a conversation in which Mr.
Carpaccio threatened you, Mr. Malone, along with several other unidentified people, whose lives are all in danger now.
Sam: Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Carla: Wait a minute. What does this have to do with us?
Agent Carmichael: Well, we'd like all of you to testify against Mr. Carpaccio in court.
Carla: Excuse me.
Sam: What? What are you doing?
Carla: Look, if I can get to confession fast enough, maybe I can get capped in a state of grace.
Sam: Carla, come on, that's not gonna help.
Carla: Look, Sam, they want us to sing against this guy in court, okay? We'll all be dead.
Woody: Us? What about our pets?

Inspector Hanson: Let's go, people!
Sam: No, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm not going.
Carla: What do you mean?
Sam: Listen, this is, this is my whole life. You know, I've worked too long and too hard to give up everything that's important to me.
Agent Carmichael: You're taking quite a risk, Mr. Malone.
Sam: I- I can't live my life in fear.
Norm: Well, we all can. And time's a-wasting. Let's go.
Woody: Hold it, hold it. If Sam's not going, I'm not going either.
Norm: What?
Sam: Oh, Woody, wait a second. l, I can't let you take that risk.
Woody: As long as you understand, Sam. Let's make tracks, folks.