George Michael: Oh, no, it's my Dad. I'm supposed to be at work.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. Can I get a virgin pina colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.

Narrator: George Sr. had used his considerable means to stage intricate scenarios to teach his children what he considered valuable life lessons.
George Sr.: I need help.
J. Walter Weatherman: I'll get my gear.
Narrator: Typically, these scenarios would involve a man named J. Walter Weatherman a one-time employee who lost his arm in a Bluth Company construction accident.
Young Gob: [hitting Buster] Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
George Sr.: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note. [tires screech] [kids scream] Why? If someone had left a note this- this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?!
J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

Michael: Shouldn't Buster be spending his evenings with women that aren't so much his mother?
Lucille: He's a beautiful boy. They don't appreciate him. It's his glasses. They make him look like a lizard. Plus, he's self-conscious.
Michael: Gee, I wonder why.
Lucille: You're one to talk. When's the last time you went on a date?
Michael: I just haven't met anybody who's not self-absorbed and impossible to have a conversation with.
Lucille: If that's a veiled criticism about me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.

Lucille: So the family got a little stimmy. Don't make a federal case out of it.

Lucille: Get me a vodka, rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.

Lucille: You can leave tomorrow after my going-away party for Buster. I still can't believe he's going into the army. You know, he's doing it just to spite me.
Michael: Then why are you throwing him a party?
Lucille: Just to spite him.
Michael: You guys have such a healthy thing going.

Michael: So I thought you might want to read it seeing as how you are the president now, even though it's just a title.
Gob: Uh, right. Yes, well we should "circumvrent" union penalties.
Michael: Circumvent.
Gob: "Circumverate."
Michael: Circumvent. Means to go around.
Gob: The old reach around.
Michael: Trust me. This makes you look like a leader. Okay?
Gob: I don't think that I need any help with that. [framed "Never Give Up" inspirational poster falls from the wall and smashes] [bleep] it. Just leave it where it is.

Lindsay: You know what? Tobias and I will break into her house and get the specimen. We've been looking for a little excitement.
Tobias: Yeah! It'll be fun. We will be like Tracy and Hepburn. [as Katharine Hepburn] "What do you say, you old poop?"
Lindsay: Oh, God, he's Hepburn.

George Michael: Well, maybe we're gonna end up together in the banana stand someday.
Michael: Mm. Well, there's always money in the banana stand.
George Michael: Right.
Michael: Where is that from? Is that from something?

Tobias: All right, look, we're in a bad situation here. But, I've been jammed with bigger things in tighter spots than this.