TV Quotes

Lucille: You can leave tomorrow after my going-away party for Buster. I still can't believe he's going into the army. You know, he's doing it just to spite me.
Michael: Then why are you throwing him a party?
Lucille: Just to spite him.
Michael: You guys have such a healthy thing going.

Lucille: So, I gotta a call today from Gene Parmesan, our private eye. He said he found something big.
Michael: We have a private eye, huh?
Lucille: Oh, I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything.
Michael: Well, he can't be very good then.

Lucille: His name is Dustin Radler, and I haven't hired him, because technically, he's given up the rat race.
George Sr.: Oh, God, the "giving up the rat race" guy? This is the sand hobo? Uh, it's just a question. Are you guys doing something?
Lucille: [inhales]
Gob: Don't say it! Please, I can't I can't hear it.
Lucille: He tickles my fancy.
Gob: Your what? Is the- What part of Mom is the fancy? You do not want to know what I'm picturing, and it's not what you think.
Lucille: Oh, stop. We walk on the beach. We like the feel of the sand on our feet.
Gob: Oh, God, the thought of your feet.
George Sr.: It's fine. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Well, maybe I'll go check on Buster.
Gob: Wow. Mom really has him fancy-whipped, huh?

Gob: I've met someone. Can't really give you any information. Kind of famous-y.
Michael: I also met someone. Also famous-y.
Gob: Have you?
Michael: Can't give you any information.
Gob: Is it Julie Bowen?
Michael: No, it's not. Is yours Julie Bowen?
Gob: Is yours Julie- Oh, my God, Michael, you're seeing Julie Bowen?
Michael: I am not seeing Julie Bowen, but if you are, you tell me right now.
Gob: I want to hear you say the words, "I'm not seeing Julie Bowen."
Michael: I have not seen Julie Bowen.
Gob: Well, that's a funny way to phrase it.