‘Burning Love’
Season 2, Episode 9 - Aired January 30, 2005
Michael pursues his childhood crush, Sally Sitwell. Lucille needs somebody to bid on her at an upcoming charity acution. Lindsay falls for a gun-toting actor. Meanwhile, George Michael agrees to stage a "Christian music bonfire" with Ann.
Quote from Gob
Sally Sitwell: So, Gob, tell me, are you still doing your little tricks?
Gob: Do you consider this to be a little trick? Oh.
Sally Sitwell: Did you just squirt me with something?
Gob: It's lighter fluid. Didn't put in a new flint. But still, where did the lighter fluid come from?
Quote from Lucille
Oscar: Have you seen my other pair of pants?
Lucille: Lupe washed them, and they sprouted. I threw them out.
Oscar: Well, that puts a lot of pressure on this pair.
Quote from Gob
Michael: Did you have too much club sauce on your calamari?
Lucille Austero: Gob, read me the desserts.
Gob: She p- probably forgot her old lady glasses.
Lucille Austero: What is the matter with you, Goby?
Stan Sitwell: I'm happy to read to the lovely lady. An assortment of ice creams and sorbets.
Michael: You all right with him reading to your girl?
Gob: Not my girl.
Quote from George Sr.
Narrator: Michael had a feeling why his credit card had been rejected.
Michael: What the hell did you do?
George Sr.: I overdid it. Oh, it's so hot.
Quote from Lindsay
Lindsay: I'm being saved by Frank Wrench.
Moses Taylor: No, you're not.
Lindsay: Frank Wrench.
Moses Taylor: Shut up.
Narrator: But, unbeknownst to Lindsay and Tobias... the actor who played Frank Wrench wasn't saving her but was just trying to distance himself from the outlandish "Moses Taylor Hunts People" scandal that had been started by a rabid anti-gun fanatic.
Quote from Michael
Narrator: And that night, Michael went to help Sally with the car problems Gob had created.
Michael: What the hell?
Narrator: Only to find out things had gotten out of hand for Gob. Michael did look heroic as he went to put out the fire. Unfortunately, Sally arrived too late to see him that way.
Michael: [coughs]
Sally Sitwell: God, what happened?
Michael: Car trouble. [coughs]
Quote from George Michael
Narrator: George Michael's prospects were also improving as the two made prank phone calls together.
Ann: Let me try. [on the phone] Hey, rubberneck.
Michael: Ann could you and George Michael please call someone else for a little while?
Ann: He knows it was us.
George Michael: What? [they kiss]
Quote from Gob
Narrator: And soon it was time for Gob to bid on his mother.
Lucille: Not all bad. The only one bidding on Lucille 2 is that hairless Sitwell.
Gob: Sitwell's bidding on Lucille 2? First he fires me, then he steals my... mother's best friend.
Auctioneer: Going twice. Nine going twice.
Gob: $10,000.
Lucille Austero: Oh, how grand.
Auctioneer: Sold. Up from $800 to $10,000. Wow. You guys really want a new golf course. And all from nonmembers.