Barbara: [to camera] I have been through this many times before. [Gregory and Janine shouting "Kenny!"] The worst was 2005. A child by the name of August got lost in The Hershey Factory, looking for a chocolate river. Mnh!

Jacob: Gregory, you never told us your favorite pizza place.
Gregory: Oh, I should sit this one out. I'm more of a Baltimore-style pizza guy.
Barbara: Ooh, Baltimore pizza. I've never heard about that. What makes it so different?
Gregory: You never heard of Baltimore style? Oh, it's... It's great. It's, um, really crunchy... and, like, wet.
Melissa: Wet?
Gregory: Yeah, yeah. No, it's... it's... It's, um... it's great. Next time you're there, go to, um... Say Cheese. Say Cheese Pizza. It's... They soak it. It's, like, sopping. It's... mmm. I gotta go talk to a child about a little thing.

Janine: But, uh, Barbara, what are you doing tonight?
Barbara: I'm going to a screening of Rocky Horror at my church. [off Janine's look] They take out all the cursing, all the references to sex and sexuality. It comes in at just under 26 minutes, and it is a hoot!
[aside to camera:]
Barbara: It's a yearly tradition. We've watched Nightmare Before Christmas, but only the Christmas parts, Practical Magic without the witchcraft, and Hocus Pocus without Sarah Jessica Parker.

Mr. Johnson: Don't take it so hard. Everybody gets dumped. If it can happen to Michael B. Jordan, it can happen to you.
Barbara: Now, that white boy sure can act. Ooh! I love those Back to the Future movies.
Together: Michael J. Fox.
Barbara: Hmm?

Jacob: Barbara, have you ever been roasted by your students?
Barbara: One, they're five. Two, they respect me. Three, what would they even say?

Melissa: What's the matter? You don't want to sleep in here with us?
Barbara: I do, but I need space to calm my kids down. My class and half the school is traumatized after hearing Ava Night Shyamalan.
Melissa: [to camera] That's the name she remembers?

Melissa: Long weekends just delay the inevitable. It's still a Monday, even if it's masquerading as a Tuesday.

Ava: [over intercom] I need all teachers in the library in two minutes. We're gonna decide who's going to get those tickets. And can somebody bring me a Sprite? From McDonald's.

Ava: Everyone settle down. I have a very important announcement to make in a short amount of time. My Postmates is around the corner. It's about damn time, José L.

Barbara: I hope this isn't another assembly about a new e-mail system. I am not doing two-step verification. They can just hack me.
Melissa: They did hack you. Remember when your account sent out all that pornography?
Barbara: I do not.
Melissa: Okay.