Melissa: What's the matter? You don't want to sleep in here with us?
Barbara: I do, but I need space to calm my kids down. My class and half the school is traumatized after hearing Ava Night Shyamalan.
Melissa: [to camera] That's the name she remembers?

Gregory: [on the phone] Thank you, sir. Sounds like quite the opportunity. I'll deliberate on the objective and report back. Okay. Okay, bye. [hangs up]
Mr. Johnson: Boy, you in the FBI?
Gregory: What? No, I was just talking to my dad.
Mr. Johnson: That's the way you talk to your dad?
Gregory: Yes. Uh, he was asking me to come up to Baltimore to work at his landscaping company, but just for the summer.
Mr. Johnson: A likely story. Probably planning on how to assassinate another Black community leader. COINTELPRO killed Teena Marie.
Gregory: Teena Marie was white.
Mr. Johnson: To you.

Gregory: How would I even get into the FBI?
Mr. Johnson: The same way you got into the notoriously hard-to-break-into landscaping industry... nepotism.
Gregory: You want to work in landscaping?
Mr. Johnson: Of course. I love nature. I'm a master forager. My specialty... mushrooms.
Gregory: I don't know how to leave this conversation.
Mr. Johnson: Eddie Lawn and Care doesn't even roll off the tongue. Mr. Johnson and Eddie Landscaping on the other hand? Now, that's a company you can trust.
Gregory: Okay, well, if I don't take the gig, I'll be sure to put in a good word for you.
Janine: Oh, see you, Gregory. Goodbye, Mr. Johnson. You know what? I'm just realizing I don't know your first name.
Mr. Johnson: When you get home tonight, look up in the sky. It's written in the stars.
Gregory: He on one today.

Ava: So I don't get a thank-you for putting you next to your little boyfriend?
Janine: What are you talking about?
Ava: I made you class buddies with Gregory. You can thank me after you have your really short, broad-shouldered babies. That man built like the Longhorn logo.

Ava: Did y'all see the alien?
Melissa: Yeah, we just want to talk.
Gregory: Barbara is the alien.
Ava: Melissa, I would never ask you to take Barbara out. Jacob, take the bat.
Barbara: Everybody, please calm down. This whole hubbub started because the kids saw this.
Ava: Barb! You already killed the alien by ripping off his mask? She's a hero, y'all!

Melissa: You okay?
Barbara: Fine. Okay, a little embarrassed.
Melissa: Ah, don't be embarrassed. You're aging with dignity. Meanwhile, I got to pack an extra pair of underwear if I plan on laughing that day.

Janine: So what does a Gregory pack for an overnight trip to the Franklin Institute?
Gregory: We have a do-rag.
Janine: Uh-huh.
Gregory: All 13 essential vitamins.
Janine: Of course.
Gregory: And night socks.
Janine: Night socks?
Gregory: Yeah. For after I take off my day socks. [both chuckle]

[aside to camera:]
Janine: Today's the big field trip to the Franklin Institute, which is my favorite museum of science and technology.
Gregory: And it's a sleepover.
Janine: Yes, our first sleepover. [off Gregory's look] Because neither of us has ever done a sleepover before.
Gregory: With teachers.
Janine: And the kids.
Gregory: Everyone.
Janine: Everyone's going to be there.
Gregory: There's going to be a lot of people there.
Janine: Yeah.
Gregory: Yeah.
Janine: Yeah.

Janine: Man, I'm happy Ava paired us up as group buddies.
Gregory: Now, don't ever leave us behind. I need you to have my back in case someone casts an ancient spell and the exhibits come to life. I'm counting on those tiny fists for very precise blows.
Janine: Wait. So you did watch Night at the Museum?
Gregory: Yeah. I take all your recommendations seriously. I want to know why you like stuff.

Ava: Uh-uh. I don't like clanks in bags. Clank-clank lead to the clink-clink.
Melissa: Meet Edith Houghton... Named after the MLB's first female scout for none other than the Phillies. Can't sleep a wink without her. [bat clanks]