Ava: [over intercom] I need all teachers in the library in two minutes. We're gonna decide who's going to get those tickets. And can somebody bring me a Sprite? From McDonald's.

[separately to camera:]
Janine: So, it's Teacher Appreciation Week, which is fun.
Melissa: It's a scam.
Jacob: It's merely a way for the school district to placate the teachers.
Barbara: This Teacher Appreciation thing, it's a bit of a show. I mean, every year, I receive so many of the perfume/lotion gift boxes from the students, but I have never received so much as a $50 Buffalo Wild Wing gift card from the district.

Jacob: I doubt Gregory is gonna want to, like...
Janine: Yeah.
Gregory: Oh, no, I'm in. What we doing? Talking Risk, Rummikub, Taboo?
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: Oh, I love board games. I'll play almost anything. But I don't [bleep] with Settlers of Catan.

Janine: My sister and I are so excited to hang out, and it's gonna be different now because we're mature adults, you know? But as far as my mom knows, Ayesha is lost in the Rockies somewhere, okay? You guys ever seen that movie Into the Wild?
Gregory: For the eighth time, Janine, no.
Ava: [intercom beeps] Janine, that movie's nuts.

Melissa: I mean, teaching kindergarten... The most important, Barb? All youse do is teach five-year-olds how to use safety scissors.
Barbara: And maybe if your kindergarten teacher had done a better job, you would know that "youse" is not plural for "you." [Melissa gasps]
Ava: Oh, somebody swing!

Janine: Well, you know what? You two might not have tickets to the NBA, but you do have floor seats to the JGA. Janine Game-Night Association. And- And there'll be floor seats because you'll probably be sitting on the floor. It's gonna be fun, and it's BYOBG.
Gregory: Bring your own... beer garden?
Jacob: Bubble gum?
Gregory: Baby giraffe?
Jacob: Big Gulp.
Gregory: Brittney Griner!
Jacob: Black Gregory?
Janine: What?! No. Bring Your Own Board Game. Real simple.
Jacob: Yeah.
Janine: Look, see you both there.

Ava: Ooh, it feels like a reunion show for an absolute mess of a Housewives season in here.

Barbara: [aside to camera] You know, even after all of these years as a teacher, I still have to stop and remind myself why I'm still here. It's not my paycheck, certainly not the perks from the people who sign it, it's about the people who show up here every blessed day... The dedicated teachers and the wonderful students. That's what I love most about the lotion. When I put it on, it reminds me that this school, my peers, these students... We're all we have, and we all appreciate each other so much. Although, a $50 Buffalo Wild Wing gift card wouldn't hurt anybody.

Melissa: Well?
Gregory: Well, what?
Melissa: What's with the hat?
Gregory: Oh, this? It's nothing.
Barbara: It's the loudest nothing I ever saw.
Mr. Johnson: Boy, you just can't mosey in here with a brand-new hat and act like you're not wearing a brand-new hat.
Barbara: Mm-hmm.
Gregory: Look, I'm trying something new, okay? Just take it easy.
Jacob: He's right, guys. Come on, let's not go down this path. It's ugly. Kind of like that hat. [laughter]
Gregory: I got this from a nice store.
Melissa: What store? The one before you exit the Al Capone Museum? [laughter]

Ava: [enters] What's up, Gregory? Did you just finish Bling Ring-ing Bruno Mars' closet? [laughter]
Gregory: I'm being brave, okay? You guys are sheep. You may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
Ava: Better us than you. You look like a park ranger from a cartoon, Booboo. [laughter]
Gregory: Do you think the hat looks bad?
Janine: Oh, uh, me? Um, I... I wouldn't say it was bad. Like, I think it's just different, like something you'd wear in Indiana... Jones and the Temple of Bad Hats. [laughter]
Gregory: Fine. I didn't like it that much, anyway.