Tommy: Now, what kind of test is this?
Harry: Multiple choice. Oh, it's multiple? Then your approach is all wrong. Multiple choice is just a matter of patterns and balances. Forget everything you know. Knowledge is your enemy. It's only gonna make you second-guess yourself.

Mrs. Dubcek: Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Oh. Love's Delicate Thunder.
Sally: Forbidden love is always the sweetest, isn't it?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, yeah. But that Hunter Carlton is trouble through and through.
Sally: But, Mrs. Dubcek, how could you judge him so harshly? I know he's gruff and insolent and makes women cry for sport, but is there a more handsome or tortured soul in all of Spencerville?
Mrs. Dubcek: No.
Sally: Mrs. Dubcek, I've been such a fool! Don's been waiting so patiently for me, and all the while I've been callously disregarding his manly needs. What's wrong with me?
Mrs. Dubcek: Nothing that a pint of bourbon and a cheap motel room won't fix.
Sally: Yes. You're right. I will kiss him. I will kiss him.

Dick: The lady in the cafeteria doesn't like me!
Tommy: What'd you do?
Dick: Nothing! I barely said two words to her.
Tommy: Well, Dick, I have an idea. Why don't you try going to high school? Everyone hates you. You don't ask why. Everyone just hates you.
Dick: And that's a good thing?
Tommy: Yeah. It teaches you not to give a rat's ass.

Dick: Lucy, if I didn't know better, I'd say these flowers are for you. Now, uh, before we proceed, may I offer you, uh, a stick of gum? Opera tickets? A spanking-new umbrella?
Lucy: I could use an umbrella.
Dick: Done! Now, uh all I have is, uh, this soup.
Lucy: Fine. That'll be $1.50.
Dick: And a, uh... a pack of crackers, which I can't imagine there could be any charge for, given our amply demonstrated cordiality.
Lucy: Plus a quarter for the crackers.
Dick: No! It's not fair! Why? What do you have against me?
Lucy: Something about you rubs me the wrong way.
Dick: That's it? Oh, come on! Hate me for my brilliance. Hate me for my arrogance. Hate me for my catlike dexterity. But you can't hate me just because.
Lucy: Just watch me. Crackers, 25 cents.

Sally: About last night, I know what went wrong.
Don: You do?
Sally: Yes. I picked the wrong book. I should have gone for something less Gothic, a little more contemporary.
Don: Romance novels? What are you reading these for?
Sally: I just wanted to put some romance into our relationship, Don.
Don: No kiss could live up to these books. I mean, this is real life. We don't need some windswept mountain. We should be able to kiss anywhere, anytime. Right now, for instance.
Sally: Here?
Don: Yeah.
Sally: In the kitchen, in the afternoon?
Don: Sure.
Sally: With the dirty dishes?
Don: Why not?
Sally: Okay. Uh, should I stand?
Don: No, I'll sit. [Don sits and they lean in] Maybe we should stand.
Sally: Okay. Okay. All right, then.
Don: Okay, let's do it!
Sally: Okay, here goes. [they kiss] So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?
Don: I don't know. Kill myself?

Mary: Dick, you can't let her do this. So she doesn't like you. Big deal. If you don't let it bother you, then she has no power over you.
Dick: Power?
Mary: Power is given. Control is taken. Take control!
Dick: You know, you're right. This is about power. She likes watching me squirm. If I don't squirm, she's got nothing.
Mary: Exactly.
Dick: Oh, Mary, you're so wise. You know so much about this. Tons of people must hate you.
Mary: Oh, stop. You're embarrassing me.

Dick: Are, uh... are these free?
Lucy: Quarter apiece.
Dick: All right, ring me up. [change jingles]
Lucy: What are you doing?
Dick: I'm celebrating my liberation from caring how you feel about me. See, you're not gonna ruin any more of my days. I win. So, please, ring me up. Because I've got a purse full of quarters here and a hankering for crackers. [coins clatter] That should cover it. If there's any extra buy yourself some crackers.

Sally: We have to talk.
Don: I know what's coming, so make it fast.
Sally: Oh, I'm so sorry. I- I- I hate myself for feeling this way, but- but I need more.
Don: More? You don't know what more is.
Sally: No, that's not true, Don.
Don: No, I'm gonna do the talkin', and you're gonna do the listenin', so just sit down.
Sally: What's come over you, Don? You're being so gruff. I'm afraid. [thunder]
Don: Now, listen, Sally. I may not be the perfect man. I may never make the cover of Pretty Boy magazine. But I'm Don Leslie Orville. And, okay, telling you my middle name just now probably really didn't help my cause. But if you want to have a relationship with me, it can't be when I'm just flashing my badge or shooting a gun. It has to be with the whole me, with the 24-hour me, with the me I'm always gonna be whether I like it or not.
Sally: Oh, Don.
Don: Oh, Don what?
Sally: Oh, Don... Don.
Don: Sally. If you're gonna rip my heart out, you better reach in now and pull it out fast, because in one second, you're gonna be wearin' my lips for good.

Sally: Thanks, Don. I had such a great time.
Don: Oh, me, too. It's been so long since we've been on a date date.
Sally: Yeah. I'm so glad we decided to skip the movie and head straight for the firing range.
[Don holds up a cardboard target with the head completely shot through]
Don: You are some shot, Sally.
Sally: Aww. I was just tryin' to scare him.
Don: You know, if if they put your face on these targets, Sally, no man would ever take a shot at it. Not with a gun.

Dick: You mean you've never kissed Don before?
Sally: No.
Tommy: Never?
Sally: No.
Tommy: No wonder you're so crabby.
Sally: Shut up, load.