Dick: Bottle opener? That'll be useful. A saw? God knows- God knows we'll use that. A scissors? Get out of town! Oh, that Swiss army. Yeah, when they get in the game, they are ready to play. Sweet lord! A toothpick! Nina, have you got anything stuck in your teeth that I can assist you with?
Nina: No, thanks. I'm good.
Dick: Oh. That's a shame.

Tommy: Hey, check it out. Those two dragonflies are doin' it.
Sally: I wish I was a dragonfly.
Tommy: So you could be doin' it?
Sally: No. So I could fly my ass outta here.

Dick: [gunshots] Harry, what was that?
Harry: I don't know. I just bent over to dig up some worms and these fat guys in orange vests started shooting at me.
Mary: Oh, my god, Harry. You've gotta be more careful. They probably thought you were a-
Sally: Oh, here we go. More woodsy wisdom from Albright of the Jungle.

Tommy: [gunshots] Hey.
Harry: Hi.
Tommy: How's the blueberry picking going?
Harry: Well, I didn't get as many as I like on account of those guys are still shooting at me.
Sally: Maybe you need a license to pick blueberries.
Harry: That might be it.

Dick: Harry, stay here. We can order pizza and eat it all together.
Tommy: See you guys later.
Dick: Wait. Where are you going?
Tommy: The arcade.
Dick: Oh, that sounds like fun. Let's all go.
Tommy: Have fun. I'm staying home.
Dick: That's it. Family meeting! Family meeting! [grabs the phone from Sally] You're not family. Get out!

Dick: We're going out and doing something together. Family only.
Sally: Well, like what?
Dick: Oh, I-I don't know. [picks up cereal box] Like these people. Look how much fun they're having. What are they doing?
Sally: Um, eating cereal?
Dick: No, but what are they doing?
Sally: It's called camping, Dick. Camping!
Dick: That's it. We're doing camping!
Tommy: Going camping.
Dick: We're going camping!

Dick: Now, Nina, if you need to reach me for anything this weekend, I'll be unreachable. I'm going camping with my family.
Nina: Mm-hmm. That's nice.
Dick: Now, before you ask, I'm going to have to tell you, no.
Nina: No what?
Dick: No, you can't come along.
Nina: I hate camping.
Dick: I'm sorry, Nina, but I'm afraid that's going to have to be final. You see, as head of my household, I've made an executive decision. It's going to be just me and my family. We're going camping all weekend.

Mary: Oh, I love camping. My folks and I went every summer.
Dick: You did?
Mary: Oh, yeah. Dad and I would wake up every morning early to go blueberry picking. And then mom would shake off her hangover and throw some blueberries in the pancakes and some in her bloody Mary.
Dick: What happy, beautiful memories.
Mary: Oh, I'd love to go back up there sometime. The fresh air, the starry skies.
Dick: A sleeping bag for two.
Mary: A brisk dip in a babbling brook.
Dick: Clothing optional.
Mary: And then, go hiking, collect some leaves.
Dick: Leaves clinging to our wet, gleaming buttocks.
Mary: Excuse me?
Dick: Oh, Mary, come with us!

Mary: Oh, Dick! It's beautiful up here.
Dick: Not now, Mary. I think that pine cone bit me.

Sally: God, I cannot believe people get out of a comfortable bed at the crack of dawn to come out here and sleep on dirt.
Tommy: I think it hearkens back to the early days when people were, you know, idiots.
Harry: Hey, what's that?
Tommy: It's our tent.
Harry: We're not all gonna fit in there.
Sally: We have to set it up, goober!
Mary: Maybe I can be of some help. Do you know where your guide pole is?
Tommy: Uh, yeah, he's over there. Trying to suck the venom out of his pine cone bite.