Sally: [v.o.] I'd barely laid eyes on him, and yet I was already enveloped by the hot flash of his manly presence.
Don: Sally! What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here.
Sally: I know. It's forbidden, like our love.
Don: Wait. You didn't come here to watch me do my business, did you?
Sally: Hush, Don. I'll answer your questions, all of them, but not here. Not now.
Don: Well, then when, Sally?
Sally: When the crescent moon slices through the clouds like a saber through the strings of a bodice.
Don: Help me out. Is that Tuesday? Friday?
Sally: Don, I beg of you, I must go now. Everything you need to know is in here. Be patient, my love. The wait is almost over.

Sally: I don't understand. I mean, Don and I have such a great time together. Just last night we staked out the laundromat for six hours. Oh, the guy with the slugs is back.
Dick: Oh. That sounds so nice. But I think you may be missing an essential part of the human experience.
Sally: What?
Dick: Romance.
Sally: Romance?
Dick: Don't worry. Everything you need to know about it can be found in the writings of the world's greatest authority on the subject.
Sally: The Gates of Windemere by Frank Shakespeare. The Frank Shakespeare?!
Dick: The Frank Shakespeare.
Sally: Oh! Thank you, Dick. Thank you!

Sally: [v.o.] The cool air embraced the trees like a desperate lover. A more perfect night I couldn't have hoped for. And then, he appeared out of nowhere, breathless in anticipation.
Don: [panting] Sally, why do we have to meet all the way up here? I'm a cop, not a goat.
Sally: [v.o.] His chiseled features mocked me with their perfection. Oh, where had I ever found the strength to resist him for this long?
Don: Have you got a handkerchief? I'm sweatin' like a pig.
Sally: I can't stand it any longer! Kiss me, Don. Kiss me like you've always wanted but never could. Now, Don, now!
Don: Oh, mama! [they kiss]

Dick: I'm telling you, Mary, that woman has it in for me.
Judith: Maybe it's all in your head. I used to think there was a hidden camera in the ladies' room. Eventually, I dismantled the ceiling tiles and found nothing. I think I've said too much.

Harry: I did it! I did it! I passed my G.E.D. You are looking at a high school equivalency diploma guy.
Dick: That's great, Harry. How'd you pull it off?
Harry: By following my man Tommy's advice to the nines. Couple of "all of the above," not too many "none of the aboves," easy on the Cs, heavy on the Ds.
Harry and Tommy: And don't be stingy with the As.
Dick: Did you even read the questions?
Harry: Not this time, baby.

Dick: Then I asked her why she didn't like me, and she didn't have any reason at all.
Nina: Does she need a reason? 'Cause I could help her out. I'm just sayin'. [exits]

Sally: Oh, Don. What are you doing?
Don: What am I doing? I'm- I'm trying to kiss you, Sally.
Sally: Uh-huh. That would explain the lips coming at me.
Don: What's the problem, Sally?
Sally: Problem? What problem?
Don: We've been going together for over two years, Sally, and we've never kissed. Not once.
Sally: We haven't? Are you sure?
Don: Believe me, I've been keeping track. If we had, I'd know. Kiss me, Sally. Kiss me for all the times our lips have been razor close but never met.
Sally: Just like that? I don't know. This is all happening so fast.
Don: Nothing is happening fast, Sally. If this relationship were a snail, it would be mocked by the other, faster snails.

Sally: There's nothing wrong with taking your time.
Harry: Yeah. Give her a break. If I were Sally, I wouldn't kiss Don, either.
Tommy: You wouldn't? I would.
Dick: Me, too, in a second. What's stopping you?
Sally: I don't know. I really care about Don. It's just that the- the moment didn't seem right. It didn't seem special.
Dick: But why, muffin? Action is action. I say French the guy.
Sally: Part of me wants to. It's just- It feels like there's something missing.
Harry: Well, I think I know what it is. Have you tried kissin'?

Dick: What did you get, Nina?
Nina: The lunch special.
Dick: Ah. Soup and salad. I was thinking of getting that. Mary, what are you getting?
Nina: The special, Dick.
Dick: Not the grilled cheese? That's a nice sandwich.
Mary: Just pick something.
Judith: Today. My croutons are sinking. [Dick whimpers]
Mary: Get the special, Dick. You always get the special. Just get the special!
Dick: One special, please. I guess there's no turning back now. I've made my choice. Oh, my god, they have Salisbury steak!

Tommy: "This city in Pennsylvania..."
Harry: Pennsylvania.
Tommy: "...is home of the Liberty Bell."
Harry: Libertytown!