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‘Dick Solomon's Day Off’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick Solomon's Day Off

520. Dick Solomon's Day Off

Aired May 16, 2000

Dick discovers sick days and realizes you can take one without actually being ill. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy snoop on their neighbors with Don's police scanner.

Quote from Dick

Dick: What if I were to call in sick?
Sally: But you're not.
Dick: I know.
Harry: You've gone mad.
Dick: But it would be so easy.
Tommy: Dick, if it were so easy, don't you think somebody would have tried it already?
Dick: Look, someone had to be the first person to turn a corncob into a pipe.
Sally: Taking a sick day when you're not really sick? Sounds like a crime to me.
Dick: It's not a crime. It's the crime of the century.
Harry: That's brilliant! Turning a corncob into a pipe!

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Quote from Sally

Don: Are you sure, Sally? 'Cause I could have sworn I left it here.
Sally: What did you say it was again? A radio station?
Don: A radio scanner.
Tommy: Is that like a CAT scanner?
Harry: No, I think if there was a CAT scan machine in here, we'd know about it.
Don: Just keep your eyes open. Let me know if you find it.
Sally: Okay, we will, Don. And I hope you find your cat.

Quote from Nina

Nina: You know, I'm not feeling too great. If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go home and get into bed.
Mary: Oh, of course it's okay with me. And if you don't feel well tomorrow, don't bother coming in.
Dick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She can't stay home tomorrow. It's a workday. I want you to feel better, Nina, but coffee doesn't just magically float into my cup.
Nina: I'll leave some coffee in the machine.
Dick: No, no, no. I don't drink day-old coffee.
Nina: Yes, you do. [exits]

Quote from Dick

Strudwick: You're an idiot, Dick. Good-bye, Mary. [exits]
Mary: Good-bye.
Dick: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, see you later, carrot top!
Mary: Why do you hate him so much?
Dick: Because he's an arrogant, loudmouthed, self-absorbed know-it-all.
Mary: Dick, that's you.
Dick: You didn't let me finish: with a beard.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Well, I wasn't real honest about being sick and everything, but it all turned out pretty well for me.
Sally: Wait. You said that the chancellor took away all your sick days.
Dick: Yeah, but he gave me six "mental health" days. And they're mandatory.
Tommy: Six mental health days? What are you gonna do?
Dick: Well, I'm required to see a doctor in the morning, but in the afternoon, I'm gonna go back to the go-cart track. I'm gonna try to jump the hay bales and take that baby out onto the open road.

Quote from Sally

Tommy: This isn't a walkie-talkie. It's a scanner. It picks up radio frequencies from police cars and fire trucks.
Sally: Don is so careless with his police equipment.
Harry: Yeah. Did he ever find his gun?
Sally: Not yet. The one in his holster's from a G.I. Joe set.

Quote from Dick

Mary: You're not even supposed to be here! You have Asiatic flu, remember?
Chancellor Duncan: Asiatic flu? That's highly contagious!
Strudwick: He should stay home for a week.
Dick: Oh, you'd just love to have me out of the way, wouldn't you?
Chancellor Duncan: Dick, the entire faculty's in this room. I want you to go home immediately.
Strudwick: Bye-bye, Dick. Feel better.
Dick: Fine! But if I'm going home, Strudwick, you're going home, too.
Strudwick: What? I'm not sick.
Dick: Oh, no? Say hello to the Asiatic flu! [kisses Strudwick]
Strudwick: What is wrong with you?! Are you insane?!
Mary: Why the hell did you do that?! You're not sick!
Dick: Yes, I am. Oh, my God! No, I'm not! Then why- Oh! Why did I use my tongue?!

Quote from Strudwick

Strudwick: You've got to get a laser pointer, Mary. Look, it's on the globe. You can refer to things on the board without ever leaving your desk.
Mary: I bet you could drive cats crazy, too.
Strudwick: I wouldn't know. But squirrels hate the crap out of 'em! [both laugh]

Quote from Dick

Dick: God, it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The air is crisp. Damn, I wish I were sick.
Harry: Yeah, I know what you mean. Actually, I don't.
Dick: Well, when you have a job and you're sick, you get something called a sick day, which means you get the whole day off.
Tommy: But if you're sick, you have to stay in bed.
Dick: Yeah, unless you said you were sick when you really weren't.
Sally: Yeah, I mean, how would they know?
Tommy: They wouldn't.
Dick: You're right, they really wouldn't.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Hey, guys. You would not believe my day!
Sally: Shh.
Dick: Yup, got a facial, went to the aquarium, taunted the walrus, then spent four hours at the arcade, where I won this!
Tommy: Shh.

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